Only the Stars Were Watching
by Amber85
Summary: "Sometimes it is in times of great despair that we realize what we truly want and that we find the strength to create something new." Kíli fell silent for a moment. Then he smiled at Tauriel. "Sometimes, my mother really has a way with words." - Story follows Kíli and Tauriel after DoS. What will become of the bond that they have formed? Rated M for later chapters.
1. Prologue

_Author's Note: In December 2013 I went to the cinema to see DoS and fell in love with the pairing Tauriel/Kíli. This is my take on their story. This will mostly be romance, but there will also be a little plot. Please do not read if you are averse to this pairing. I am also aware that what is going to happen in my story will probably not happen in the third movie - this is exactly the reason why I am writing this._

_The rating is M because there will be mature content in later chapters. I will post warnings._

_This is the first fic I am publishing - please be gentle when you review!_

_And finally: Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit._

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_When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream_.

Paulo Coelho

**Prologue**

"Do you think she could have loved me?"

Fíli winced, quickly glancing at the other occupants of the room in Bard's house, hoping that they were too busy with whatever it was they were doing to pay attention to Kíli and his words. What was his little brother thinking? Speaking of love to an elf, of all beings in Middle Earth. He could already picture the excruciating embarrassment that Kíli would feel upon learning of the words that he had spoken, springing from – no doubt – some feverish delusion of his. Who knew what Kíli was seeing in his mind's eye?

Fíli shifted his position on the bench in a corner of the room and risked a glance at the she-elf's face, trying to gauge her reaction, hoping she would not be mortally offended by the young dwarf's ramblings. He would never have thought to be able to say this about an elf, but he desperately wanted her to stay – right now she and her Elven healing powers were the only chance his younger brother had.

To his utter astonishment, however, what Fíli saw on the elf's face was not anger or offence. Nor did her face display the stoic mask that he had come to associate with elves, touched only by the tiniest degrees of bemusement or, rarely, distress. Instead he saw a wide variety of emotions wash across the red-haired elf-maid's face – hesitation, curiosity and something that Fíli thought looked like genuine affection.

He watched Kíli struggle to lift his arm, his fingers brushing against the slender hand of the elf ever so lightly, their fingers entwining delicately, tenderly. Fíli frowned and looked away. This was not possible, was it? How could… Yes, Kíli had been unusually withdrawn ever since they had left the halls of Thranduil behind. But his injury and the infection it caused surely served as a satisfying explanation for this circumstance. On the other hand, while imprisoned in the Elven King's palace, he once or twice thought he could hear his younger brother speaking to someone, someone with a decidedly un-dwarfish voice… But still…

Glancing at Kíli's face and seeing the she-elf's emotions reflected on his face, Fíli heard himself say, "Oin, Bofur, come on. We had better make sure that those damned orcs are not still lingering somewhere outside…" Turning to Sigrid he added, "Thank you and your sister for your assistance. You have helped my brother a great deal. Rest now. I have a feelin' in my gut that there is more trouble lying ahead of us."

_What are you doing_?! he shouted at himself in his mind. _You cannot leave Kíli's side while he is still in agony. You promised your mother to look after him, always._

He almost had to physically struggle to overcome his brotherly instincts and push himself away from the table, Oin and Bofur following him to the door with confused looks upon their faces. Whatever was –_ was not!_ – going on between Kíli and the she-elf, the least he could do was to try and reduce the number of witnesses.

He groaned inwardly. If word of this latest foolishness of his little brother got around among the other dwarves, the poor lad would never live to see the end of it.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter I**

Tauriel gazed down at the young dwarf lying on the table before her, trying to reign in her emotions. It is not often that an elf is overcome by feelings, so for Tauriel it was not common at all to feel as torn apart by conflicting emotions as she was at that moment.

_Relief_. She had made it in time, found Kíli before he could drift completely into the world of shadows, forever lost to her.

_Pride_. She had done it, healed him by following her instincts, not really having much experience at that kind of thing. She was a soldier first and foremost, a fighter.

_Doubt_. _Hesitation_. She should not be here at all, should not have come, should not have stayed. Least of all she should allow the dwarf to touch her, tenderly.

Kíli's eyes had drifted shut again. She became aware properly of her surroundings for the first time, having drifted into a trance-like state during her healing, a world in which only she and the young dwarf existed. Suddenly very conscious of herself, Tauriel made to withdraw her hand, which was still touching Kíli's in a feather-light touch, away, out of his reach.

At that Kíli's grip suddenly tightened, desperate, panicked. Tauriel stilled in her movement, reveling in the warmth that his bold touch caused to spread through her hand, a feeling that was echoed somewhere deep inside her belly.

"Stay," he whispered hoarsely, his eyes fluttering open for a moment, before he slipped into unconsciousness again.

Tauriel glanced around herself, realizing to her surprise that they were, in fact, alone. The other dwarves had disappeared and the two human girls could be heard speaking quietly in one of the adjoining rooms. Shrugging, she used her left foot to pull a stool closer to the table on which Kíli was lying and sank down onto it, her hand never leaving that of her patient. A few more moments could hardly increase the damage she already done to her career, leaving Mirkwood without being ordered so by her king, staying to heal Kíli instead of following her prince.

_ Thranduil_. _Legolas_. She winced. What had she done? For an elf she had always been rather headstrong, impulsive, passionate. But to risk her achievements of several hundreds of years over a dwarf whose soft brown eyes tugged at her silly heart when she gazed into them… She would never be forgiven. Doubtful as she had sometimes been of the king's decisions, she still felt a deeply rooted loyalty towards him and desperately longed for his approval. And Legolas… her dearest friend, companion, _brother_… He would never understand.

Burdened by the weight of her shame and overwhelmed by her conflicting emotions, she let her head sink onto the shoulder of the unconscious dwarf before her, a few tears escaping down her cheeks, slightly wetting the shirt of her patient.

Suddenly she felt him shift beneath her and stiffened, not daring to move. He lifted his free arm and moved it across his broad chest, gently resting his hand at the nape of her neck.

"Ah, don't cry for me, lass, I shall rise from this table and this – not very comfortable – pile of walnuts soon enough," he muttered into her hair. "Save those tears of yours for someone worthier than Kíli the Dwarf."

He traced his fingers along the line of her jaw, gently lifting her chin to make her look at him. From the slight twinkle in his eyes, she could tell that he was just trying to make light of the situation and that he was somehow aware that what was weighing her down was much more complicated than that. That he understood what she was going through because, in many ways, he felt the same…

Looking into his eyes, Tauriel found that she could not tear her own eyes away and her breath hitched in her throat when his gaze slowly travelled down to her lips and then back up again, an unspoken question behind it.

Tauriel closed her eyes and exhaled, mustering all her strength to not give into the magnetic pull of his eyes and instead pushed herself back into an upright sitting position. This could not be. It was one thing to be concerned for a dwarf, to save him from a certain death and to acknowledge to herself – only to herself - that he caused something to stir in her heart. But to physically express the affection that she felt for him, no matter how viciously the desire to feel his lips upon hers, to know what he tasted like, burned inside of her - this she could not allow.

When she opened her eyes again to look at Kíli, what she saw in his eyes was not the stinging feeling left by rejection, but instead a raw longing and a profound sadness.

He broke their gaze and turned his head away slightly. "Yes, this cannot be," he sighed, mirroring her own thoughts as if she had spoken aloud. He paused for a moment, as if considering whether to continue or not. "I am not just 'Kíli the Dwarf,' you know. I am also Kíli, nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, heir of Durin. Fíli is my older brother, but if anything were to happen to him and Thorin…"

"…_you_ would become King Under the Mountain," Tauriel finished for him, her eyes wide with surprise. She silently reprimanded herself for thinking of nothing but her own sorrows and how inappropriate it would be for an elf to care about a dwarf. As an heir of Durin, Kíli would certainly be frowned upon if he befriended an elf. What would happen if he and said elf became something more than friends, Tauriel did not really want to imagine.

"Dwarves and elves…," Kíli began,

"… do not exactly go together well," Tauriel continued. She smiled a wry smile.

_And yet_…, he spoke to her through his eyes.

_And yet_…, she responded in her mind, subtly caressing his hand, which still held hers.

"I remember," he said, his hand gently squeezing hers to get her attention, "I remember my mother telling me about the hard times our kind had to endure after the fall of Erebor. I was only a child, but I couldn't wrap my head around how my ancestors still managed to prevail, to somehow go on."

Tauriel listened attentively, curious to learn more of Kíli and his life.

"'Kíli,' my mother said, 'tragedy can be a curious thing. It can break families apart, separate lovers, destroy the lives people have built for themselves. But sometimes, tragedy can also provide a certain clarity. I have seen people reach out to one another in times of hardship in ways that you could not imagine. Building friendship where before there was only animosity, building a future where before there was only emptiness and indifference. Sometimes it is in times of great despair that we realize what we truly want and that we find the strength to create something new.'"

Kíli fell silent for a moment. Then he smiled at Tauriel. "Sometimes, my mother really has a way with words. When she isn't cursing me and my brother for our recklessness, that is."

Tauriel remained serious. "And have you found out yet, what it is that you truly want, Kíli?"

She should not be asking this, but for some reason she needed to hear him say it out loud. If only to feel that surge of pleasure and joy again, that she had felt when he spoke of his apparent feelings for her during his fever.

Kíli averted his eyes, looking slightly embarrassed. When his eyes found hers again, they were full of tenderness.

"I want-"

He was interrupted by a terrible rumbling and then the earth started to shake.

Tauriel and Kíli looked at each other, both wearing an expression of panic on their faces. They would not have needed Fíli - who came rushing through the door, exclaiming, "Smaug! He is coming!" - to know that they were doomed.


	3. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thank you everyone who reviewed my story or added it to their favourites. It's a great encouragement to have some feedback!_

_I'm skipping ahead here a little... I decided to leave the telling of the story of Smaug's attack on Laketown to Peter Jackson and the 3rd movie ;) Hope you enjoy!  
_

_Disclaimer: I still don't own The Hobbit._

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**Chapter II**

Smaug was dead.

They had done it. Killed the dragon that had resided in the halls of Kíli's ancestors for such a long time. Kíli felt himself unable to exactly recollect the events of the hours past, but he knew one thing for certain – Smaug was dead.

As he dragged his exhausted body through what remained of Laketown, he saw others going through the debris, looking for things that might still be saved and – Kíli winced inwardly – people that had been lost during the chaos that Smaug had brought over the town.

His leg throbbed painfully, the wound caused by the orc's arrow not healing as it should be because he had put too much strain on it too quickly. But he had been lucky – despite being slowed down by his injury he had managed to avoid any further injuries, apart from bruises, scratches, and some minor burns. The same could be said of Fíli and the other two dwarves. Kíli knew that he should feel blessed that all of them got out of this mess relatively unharmed.

And yet, there was only one thing – or rather one person – on his mind as he limped through partly destroyed alleys, trying to see properly through the smoke caused by the fires that had yet to die down completely.

_Tauriel, where are you?_

They had all gotten separated in their attempt to distract the mighty dragon and to lure him into a position where Bard could target him with his one black arrow.

After realizing that Smaug was on his way to destroy the town, they had had to act quickly and there had not been any time to come up with an elaborate plan. The arrival of Bard's son and his announcement that his father was on his way to the tower from which he would fire the arrow at the dragon had quickly decided their course of action.

No time to exchange anything except one last look with Tauriel, the elf whose smile made his heart sing, as she got ready to dart off into the direction she had been assigned.

_Be safe…_

Grimly, Kíli realized that he had never even properly thanked her for saving him. Three times. Instead he had wasted their time together on sentimental words that he knew could never be followed by actions. All the more reason to find her now - to prove his gratefulness and also the tentative friendship that they had formed with each other.

After the battle it had not taken him long to find Fíli. He and his brother always seemed to find oneanother blindly, as if they were gravitating towards each other. Fíli's relief at seeing his younger brother relatively unharmed had been palpable. He had also brought news of the rest of their company, letting Kíli know that they, too, had escaped Smaug's wrath almost unscathed.

The frown on Fíli's face when he noticed that despite the good news Kíli remained restless had not escaped the younger dwarf. But he simply could not help himself.

"And Tauriel? Did you see her, too? Is she with the others?" Kíli had cringed slightly at having to ask his brother this question and thereby reveal that the she-elf was on his mind, even at times like this.

Fíli had sighed, shooting his brother a worried glance. "Kíli, you really shouldn't-"

"Just tell me, alright?" Kíli had interrupted him, embarrassed.

"She had yet to show up when I last saw the others. But who knows, maybe she's already gone off on some business of her own…" Fíli's facial expression had shown pity for his younger brother as well as disapproval of his blatantly obvious infatuation with the elf.

Kíli had shook his head. "She would not simply leave. Not after…"

Fíli had glanced at his brother with curiosity and simultaneous dread.

"I have to look for her," Kíli had simply stated, hoping his brother would understand and ask no further questions. He would not have known how to answer them.

Fíli had nodded grimly. "If you're not back within two hours, I'll come looking for you, little brother. You still need to rest. We have to leave for Erebor as soon as possible."

Kíli's shoulders had slumped at the thought of having to depart so soon. Of having to say goodbye. Without another word he had turned around and limped off into the direction his gut was telling him to go.

That had been three quarters of an hour ago. If he did not find her soon, there would be no choice but to head back to the others. They simply had to try and reach Thorin and the others to help, that was their destiny. His individual desires could not be his top priority right now.

Peering into an alley that was filled with particularly dense smoke, Kíli finally thought that he could make out a tall, slender figure staggering around in the polluted air. Without hesitation he darted into the alley, using the sleeve of his shirt as a protection against the stifling air. Immediately his eyes started burning from the smoke and filled up with tears.

It really was Tauriel he had seen, he realized as he drew closer. He was genuinely shocked when he saw that she was almost out of her mind with panic, turning into every direction, but apparently unable to decide where to go. He had not thought it possible for an elf to reach a heightened state of panic, not even to speak of losing their way.

Quickly he rushed to her side, gently taking hold of her elbow with one hand, while using his other hand to press against her lower back, guiding her into the direction he had come from. He did not dare to speak, for fear of having to breathe in more of that poisonous air than he already had.

Seconds felt like hours, but finally they emerged from the alley into air that was, comparatively, clear, both of them coughing and staggering blindly by the time. Kíli tried his best to pull his senses together and guided Tauriel towards the wall of a nearby building that was still relatively intact. Tauriel leaned against the wall gratefully and immediately slid down onto the floor, keeping her legs propped up in front of her.

Kíli fell to his knees before her, thereby bringing his face level with hers. He cupped her face with both hands, checking worriedly for further damage aside from the obvious. Her face was smeared with soot, but then he guessed that so was his. She had a bruise on her temple, but it did not look too serious. What worried Kíli most were Tauriel's ragged gasps for air, every breath making a rasping sound in her throat. Also, her eyes were unfocused and had not yet lost their panicked expression.

"Lady Tauriel," he exclaimed, trying to get her to focus. "Look at me!" But it seemed that her eyes were seeing something entirely else, her pupils darting from one direction to the other rapidly.

"Tauriel," Kíli spoke again, his voice more gentle, intimate. "It is me, Kíli. The one whose ass you always need to save, remember? Come back to me. Who knows what trouble I might get myself into next?"

Tauriel's breathing calmed a little, her eyes slowly focusing on his.

"Kíli," she rasped.

"There you are," he smiled, relieved that she had found her way back to him.

She drew in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Kíli could see that she had regained her senses completely now.

He dropped one of his hands that were still pressed to her cheeks, letting his other hand linger for another moment, before removing it, too. He continued to gaze at her intently.

"Do not worry," she said, looking back at him steadily now. "I will be fine. I just need to rest a few moments."

He nodded, understanding that her Elven physiology would help her recover from whatever had happened to her among the smoke and flames quickly. For a few minutes they remained silent, Tauriel taking long and increasingly steady breaths, Kíli still kneeling in front of her, waiting patiently.

"I got lost," Tauriel spoke up suddenly. "The dragon was chasing me down that alley and I tried to hide in one of the buildings. He must have hit the top of the building with his tail or something like that, because suddenly there was wood and stone raining down from the ceiling. Something hit me on the head and I lost consciousness. When I woke up-" A shudder washed over her body. "When I woke up and stumbled outside, there was only smoke. I could not hear anything, or see anything. I thought maybe I was the only one still alive."

Kíli took one of her hands in his, using his thumb to draw circles on its back to comfort her. She smiled at him. "And then there you were. This time it was your turn to save me."

"Nah," he looked away, touched. "That was nothing compared to what you did for me."

Her smile broadened at his discomfort. "The only thing that matters is that we are both still here, is it not?"

He returned her smile and they simply looked at each other for a while, grateful that they had both survived. Then Kíli remembered that this did not mean a happy ending for either of them. Tauriel had to be thinking along the same lines, too, because her smile faded and the lightheartedness in her eyes was replaced by a wistful expression.

Kíli felt a tug at his heart when she looked at him like this, and all he wanted was to do was make her sadness go away and make the joy return to her beautiful eyes.

"Oh, screw this," he suddenly growled, shifted forward and captured her lips in a passionate, bruising kiss. At first she flinched in surprise, but then, to his utter astonishment, she kissed him back just as fiercely. Inching closer towards her, he tangled his hands in her beautiful red hair at the back of her head, pressing his body close to hers. She responded by running her hands up and down his back, kneading his tense muscles.

They broke apart breathlessly, both of them not having fully recovered from the smoke they had had to breathe in before. Kili found that he did not quite dare to meet Tauriel's eyes. What had he been thinking! She should be treated with reverence and gentleness, and instead he had simply attacked her like some kind of animal.

Glancing at her, he could see that her eyes were downcast, her cheeks flushed.

"I'm so sorry," he groaned. "This was highly inappropriate…"

"I'm not," she whispered, interrupting him. He stared at her in shock.

"I'm not sorry," she said more steadily.

She lifted her eyes to look at him, still breathing heavily, her face flushed and bearing black smudges. To Kili she could not have looked more beautiful. They smiled at each other, shyly.

"I have to return to Mirkwood," she said softly, both of them knowing that there was no sense in denying that whatever they had had together ended here and now. Still, Kili thought he could hear a large chunk of his heart being broken off and crushed by a cruel fist.

He nodded. "I know. We are leaving for Erebor tonight. Smaug is dead, but we fear that this is not yet the end of it all. Will you come with me to Bard's house, to say goodbye to the others? I'm sure they would like to see you again."

_Please, do not leave me just yet._

She nodded, smiling, moving to push herself back to her feet. Kili held her back.

"Wait," he said, "there is something I've been wanting to give to you." Rummaging around in his pocket, he produced the stone he carried to remind him of his promise to his mother. He pressed it into her hand and closed her fingers around it, prolonging their touch much longer than strictly necessary. Tauriel opened her mouth in protest.

"No," he quickly shushed her. "I want you to have it. Without you, I would have broken my promise already. Without you I would not still be here. Please, accept it."

She looked at the stone in her hand for a moment, hesitating, then stowed it away in one of her own pockets.

"Thank you, Kili," she said, her voice a thousand times heavier with emotion than you would expect of an elf who has just been given an ordinary rune stone. "I have nothing to give to you in return aside from the promise to think of you, whenever my eyes fall upon your stone."

He smiled, sadly. "That, Tauriel, is already so much more than I can ask."

Slightly leaning onto each other for support the dwarf and the she-elf struggled back to their feet and set off for Bard's house on the other side of Laketown, where they both knew they would have to bid each other farewell.


	4. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

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**Chapter III**

By the time they reached Bard's house, which had magically survived the dragon's attack relatively intact, Kíli's limp had increased drastically and Tauriel had to help him up the stairs that lead to the house's entrance. She did not mind that at all – while there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the two of them that their little lapse of passion, while not regretted, would not be repeated or mentioned again, they nevertheless seemed to physically gravitate towards each other at every chance they got.

_That kiss_… Tauriel had kissed and been kissed before, but it had never been like this. Not one kiss she had shared with another elf in her several hundreds of years on this world had ever felt so warm, so real, so… right. Not that that made it less wrong in any way.

For now she had decided not to examine her feelings too closely. What was done was done and she was afraid that if she did, she would not be able to go through with her resolution and return to Mirkwood to serve her king.

And yet as they struggled up the stairs she could not help but wonder if she was not making a terrible mistake in parting ways with the dwarf that she had formed a bond with. What if they never saw each other again? If she never saw that twinkle in his brown eyes again, never felt his warm touch on her skin? Elves were immortal beings and as such viewed time and life in a way suited to endure much hardship without despairing. But Tauriel had also seen Elves who had lost hope at some stage during their existence, Elves who had become bitter with regret and anger. What if she would not be able to put those last few hours – those hours that had sparked a flame inside of her that she had not even known could burn – behind her that easily? Life without any hope of gazing upon Kíli's face again, without at least knowing that he was somewhere out there, walking under the same stars as she was, would certainly be a lot … darker. Maybe too dark for her to endure.

And his injury worried her so. She glanced down at him, noting the strained expression on his face. He was trying not show his pain, but she could feel it as if it was her own leg that had been pierced by that cursed arrow. Could she really just let him go on to Erebor? What if he fell ill again? What if his leg slowed him down and he got hurt or … killed?

Panic gripped at Tauriel's heart. She stopped dead, looking at Kíli with a pained expression on her face. He looked back at her in confusion, obviously wondering why she was not moving any more.

She opened her mouth to speak.

"Kíli-"

_Don't go. Come with me. Take me with you. Stay with me. Let us go away together, go somewhere else were no one knows or thinks anything of Elves and Dwarves. _

Before she managed to speak any of these words, however, another voice spoke up above them.

"Tauriel. Finally."

Legolas stood at the top of the stairs, his face void of expression.

Tauriel flinched, almost letting go of Kíli whom she was still supporting. She immediately tightened her grip again, but of course Kíli had felt the surprised slackening of her grip and he frowned, his gaze traveling from Tauriel's shocked expression to Legolas' indifferent one.

"Legolas," Tauriel managed to choke out.

"I see you made use of our time apart to heal the dwarf," he replied, his tone not exactly expressing great enthusiasm about that circumstance.

Tauriel did not reply immediately, carefully weighing her words. Suddenly Kíli pushed out from under her arm and climbed the remaining few steps, clearly trying to keep any signs of pain or weakness from his expression as well as his movements.

"Kíli," he said through gritted teeth as he passed Legolas, "the name is Kíli."

With one last glance at Tauriel – _anger, hurt, confusion_ - as he leaned on the doorframe of Bard's house, Kíli disappeared through the entrance.

Tauriel shifted her gaze back from where Kíli had disappeared into the building to Legolas, trying to gauge his mood.

"Yes," she spoke up in her own tongue, keeping her voice deliberately level. "As you just saw, I did manage to heal him. I also aided in the destruction of one magnificent dragon."

With great relief she noted a tiny hint of a humorous twinkle in Legolas' stern gaze. Maybe her actions had not damaged her friendship with the blond elf as severely as she had thought at first.

"You are aware, my friend," he replied, his face darkening by a few degrees, "that I exited this building several hours ago, thinking you behind me, guarding my back, are you not? If you are, then you can probably imagine my surprise when I realized that you were apparently not going to follow."

Tauriel lowered her gaze, blushing. "Yes, my friend," she whispered.

"How do explain your actions?" Legolas continued in the same, authorative tone.

Tauriel glanced at him. Standing there at the top of the stairs she saw in him, not for the first time in recent years, the exact image of his father. A prince, a future king – not merely her playmate from her younger years anymore. But still – her friend.

She straightened herself, meeting his gaze. "I fear that I cannot," she said, feeling her face grow hot, but standing her ground nevertheless. If she lied to him, fabricated a rational explanation for staying with the dwarves instead of loyally following him, he would see right through her anyway.

Legolas was the first of them to break their eye-contact, closing his eyes for a second. Obviously he had hoped for a different answer. When he spoke again he did so in a slightly strained manner. It clearly did not give him joy to say what he was about to say.

"My father will be more than just angered when he hears of your actions."

Tauriel's shoulders sagged. But Legolas had not finished yet. "I will make you an offer, however. As your friend. Your king will not hear of your actions on one condition."

Tauriel steeled herself, not quite sure if she really wanted to hear what was coming next.

Legolas continued. "You will return to Mirkwood with me without further delay. There you will take up your position within the guard again with one change. I will arrange for you to be reassigned as one of my father's personal guards. Meaning, you will not leave the king's halls unless he does so himself and you will not traverse beyond the boundaries of our land under any circumstances. The defense of our borders will be relayed to one of your fellow guards."

This time it was Tauriel's turn to close her eyes for a moment. She understood the meaning behind his words fully well. _You will remain where I can see you at all times. You will not even get a chance to do something as foolish as before ever again. And most importantly, you will not see that dwarf and his kin ever again._

Opening her eyes again she tried to keep them as empty of emotion as possible. To her surprise she saw in his face not only anger at her actions, but also a hint of compassion. _I am sorry to have to be the one to do this, friend_, his eyes seemed to say.

Her friend's compassion could however not lessen the impact of his words. Having to remain in close proximity to the king at all times was punishment enough – the fact that she would be forbidden to stray outside on her own, however, was so much worse. Tauriel had never taken well to remaining still in one place. She lacked the stoic nature of most other elves that seemed capable of graceful inactiveness.

But Tauriel also knew that she had no choice other than accept Legolas' condition. The decision to return to her home had been made even before he had made that offer. The one thing that she could do now to make the next few centuries bearable was to mend her friendship with Legolas. Tauriel had never had many friends among the other Elves and after this, it seemed likely that he would be all she had left.

"Thank you, mellon," she replied, trying to keep fear and sadness out of her voice. "If I have angered you I apologize sincerely. I hope you fared well amidst the turmoil of the recent hours?"

She realized at that moment that during the attack by the dragon it had never crossed her mind that Legolas might be in danger, too.

He smiled, visibly relieved at her apparent acceptance of his conditions. "I cannot claim as great a deed as aiding in the slaying of a dragon, but I did rid this world of a number of other foul beings."

Tauriel grinned. "I see." She was glad that there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them not to speak of her insubordination anymore until it would become necessary again.

Without further ado, Legolas hefted his bow, which had been leaning against the banister, onto his shoulder and prepared himself to set off down the stairs.

At that Tauriel panicked. She could not just leave without saying goodbye. Her punishment, a life in isolation and – possibly – regret, she could endure, but at least she had to say her farewells to Kíli.

Legolas sensed her hesitation and looked at her intently. Finally he sighed. If his dignity had allowed it to roll his eyes he probably would have done so at that moment. "We should pay our respects to Bard before we leave – he performed a great service not only to his people but also to our kind when he rid this world of Smaug."

Tauriel hurried up the last few stairs, trying not to come across too enthusiastic. She was grateful to Legolas for giving her the opportunity to say goodbye, even if she fully understood what he had been saying between the lines: _This is the last time that I will tolerate your friendliness with those dwarves. Say your goodbyes and make sure they are your final ones_.

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_Author's Note: More Kiliel to come in the next chapter. The friendship between Tauriel and Legolas will be a central theme of some of the following chapters, but there will never be any romance between the two of them. Just in case you were wondering._

_Please review!_


	5. Chapter 4

_Sorry for taking a little longer to update. Here's another chapter from Kíli's point of view._

_Thank you for your reviews! Feedback keeps me going._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter IV**

"Kíli!"

Upon entering Bard's house, the first thing Kíli became aware of was his brother rushing toward him.

"Kíli, finally! We were just about to organize a search party for you. Don't you think you've already caused us enough worry for one day?" Fíli reprimanded him, slightly overprotective of his younger brother, as per usual.

Kíli impatiently tried to brush off his brother's fussing. "I'm here now, am I not?" He only wished for his brother to shut up, so that he could try to listen in on the conversation that had to be taking place outside between Tauriel and that rude, arrogant, blonde guy. Legolas.

Fíli looked taken aback by his curtness and Kíli immediately felt sorry. Fíli only meant well and while he would sometimes get on his nerves with his strong protective urges, he was also one of the main reasons why he was standing here now, alive and – comparatively – well. The other reason for that circumstance was currently out on the stairs, no doubt trying to make things up with that prince – commanding officer? Kinsman? Friend? _Lover_? – of hers.

Kíli exhaled tiredly, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Sorry I'm a little late, brother. Leg slowed me down a bit."

Fíli's expression immediately changed to one of worry again. Checking his brother over he asked, "Did it get worse again? Come on, sit down and rest. We cannot risk for you to be slowed down by it when we get to the mountain."

_I might not be able to protect you in whatever awaits us there…_

Kíli allowed his brother to help him settle down on a bench, propping his leg up on a small stool. All the while he was straining his ears for any sounds from outside. Bloody elves, he thought only half serious, always so damn quiet as if they're hardly there at all.

Tauriel of course could be very much 'there' if she wanted to. He was acutely aware of her presence even with wooden walls separating them and it took all his willpower to remain in full control over his body as he remembered the way her lips had felt when he had kissed them and the way her lithe body had molded itself against his own as they had drawn each other closer, clutching, desperate.

What was this connection between them, he wondered? So delicate sometimes that he feared one false step might rip the tentative bond that they had formed, and at other times so raw and intense that it felt as if he could not breathe, could not go on, without her.

But he had to. Go on. They had both acknowledged their respective responsibilities and while a small, innocent and hopeful part of him had withered and died when she had said that she would return to her king, Kíli knew that it would be unfair to demand of her what he could not do himself – desert his family and turn his back on his duty as one of the heirs of Durin. No matter how much he wanted to.

He gloomily stared at the wall, half wishing to be able to see through it and half glad that he wasn't. Tauriel had not spoken of her comrade to him directly, but he had sensed her distress over having deserted him and, of course, her flinch when Legolas had suddenly shown up had not escaped him. Whatever their exact relation to each other was, the guy did mean a great deal to Tauriel.

_And she to him_, a voice whispered inside Kíli's head. _You saw the way he looked at her when she came to speak to you in your cell. _

Kíli sighed, trying to quench the jealousy nagging at his heart. Maybe it was better this way. She would live an eternal life on this world, wouldn't she? He only wished for her to be happy in her personal eternity, for the smile in her eyes when she spoke of the stars to remain happy and not to turn sad and wistful.

Of what awaited himself in the future, Kíli could not be sure at the moment… Would they safely reach Erebor? Was a happy ending waiting there for all of them? Kíli could not help but doubt that. Something inside him was telling him that the defeat of the dragon was not yet the end of their struggle.

Despite what his brother and other members of the company might think, Kíli had always been acutely aware of the realistic possibility of losing his life somewhere along the way of their quest. He might be young and he might also be a little reckless and prone to displays of heroism (always went well with the ladies after all…), but he was no fool. If worse came to worst, he was prepared to face the consequences of his decisions and fight to his death. For his family, for his kin. Only now he had found one more reason to be sad to leave this world and all its joys and wonders behind if and when the time came…

His head shot up when the door was suddenly pushed open and Legolas waltzed in – alright, with an elf you couldn't exactly call it 'waltzing,' could you – Tauriel trailing behind him, her face tinged by a slight flush. The jealous beast in Kíli's chest stirred slightly as he wondered what could have caused the pink shade coloring Tauriel's delicate cheeks.

Legolas strode across the room, approaching Bard who, with the aid of his son and daughters, was still busy trying to clear away the chaos that attacks by orcs and a dragon had brought over the interior of his house. Kíli could hear Legolas expressing his gratitude towards Bard and his family on behalf of his people and realized with a pang that this meant that the Elves were leaving. Leaving now.

His eyes shifted to Tauriel who was still lingering by the door, apparently not quite able to decide whether she was expected to stand at Legolas' side or not. Glancing in Kíli's direction and then back at her companion, she seemed to judge that since Legolas was not paying attention to her at the moment, but engaging in a brief and polite conversation with Bard, she was free to do what she wanted.

Hurrying over to Kíli she sank down to her knees before him, half reaching to take his hands into her own, but then deciding otherwise, twisting her hands together in front of her chest instead.

Kíli caught her gaze and attempted a small smile, failing miserably of course. "So, this is it."

She didn't reply at first, weighing her words carefully. When she spoke it was with an urgency that reflected the tight, suffocating feeling in Kíli's chest.

"We must not grieve ourselves over what could have been, Kíli," she said, only loud enough for him to hear. "Instead we must cherish the memory and learn to be happy despite the fate that has been dealt to us."

Kíli felt like crying. This was so awful; actually saying goodbye to her felt so utterly and completely wrong. He nodded, pressing his lips together in an effort not to allow a single tear to escape his eyes. He could see that she was trying to keep her feelings under control as well, both of them unwilling to show their emotions in front of their respective companions.

He leaned forward, his hands itching to touch her face, her hair, her hands, but restraining himself from doing so. His voice came out as a husky whisper. "Just tell me one thing, Tauriel." He paused. "The question that I asked you before, the one when I thought I was dreaming-"

Her eyes widened, obviously surprised that he remembered that. To be honest he hadn't initially, but it had all come back to him when he regained full control over his senses.

_Do you think she could have loved me? _

He continued, hurriedly. "What would you have answered?"

She frowned, casting her gaze down. "Kíli," she pleaded, her voice sounding strained.

"Please," he pressed on. "Please, I need to know. I need to hear it."

He did not really understand why he had to torture himself – and her – like this. She had already acknowledged her feelings, but for some reason he just couldn't let it go.

She sighed, her gaze returning to his. "Yes," she simply said.

Kíli thought his heart missed at least one beat and he smiled a bittersweet smile. He reached out with one hand, wanting to brush a lock of her gorgeous hair behind her ear, but she drew away slightly and he dropped his hand in resignation. They held each other's gaze for another long moment, everything they were unable to say aloud passing between them in silent communication.

_Be safe – I'll miss you – I cannot bear this – My love – I will see you in my dreams – will we ever meet again – I wish this did not have to end this way –_

Tauriel rose to her feet abruptly when she heard Legolas approach and cleared her throat, her expression becoming guarded once again. Kíli marveled at her ability to hide her emotions like that and did his best to wipe the agony he felt off his own face in a similar manner.

Bowing slightly she said, "Goodbye, Kíli. I wish you and your company good luck on your journey."

Kíli rose to his feet and returned her gesture. "Goodbye Tauriel, who walks among the stars. Thank you for everything."

He turned towards Legolas who had come to stand at Tauriel's side and reluctantly repeated the movement. "Goodbye."

Legolas frowned, but returned his bow wordlessly. Tauriel quickly went to the other dwarves and then to the members of Bard's family, exchanging a few words of farewell.

Kíli followed her around the room with his eyes, not hearing anything of what she and the others said, because a buzzing sound in his ear was droning out all other noise. He could feel Legolas' eyes on him, but for once he did not care. If those were the last few glimpses he would get of Tauriel's beautiful face he would have to make them last.

Soon, however, she was done and the two Elves made their way towards the door. Kíli tried to follow, but found that he was frozen in place, unable to move. Legolas opened the door and held it open. With one last longing look in Kíli's direction, Tauriel glided through the door, Legolas following her.

The door banged shut.

She was gone.

The room went awfully silent and Kíli sensed the looks of the others. He dug his fingers into the wooden surface of the table at his side in an effort to prevent himself from running after her.

"If they like each other so much, why don't they just stay together?" he heard Bard's youngest daughter, Tilda, whisper to her older sister Sigrid, who shushed her quickly and drew her away towards the kitchen where they resumed their cleaning. Their father and brother joined them seconds later, obviously uncomfortable with the tense atmosphere in the room.

Kíli felt his brother come up behind him, squeezing his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "Kíli," he began, but seemed at a loss at what to else to say. And what was there that he could have said, after all, that could make the pain go away?

Kíli covered his brother's hand briefly with his own, but then pushed it away. "Just give me a moment, alright?" he said, shocked himself at the desolate tone of his voice.

Slowly he made his way across the room, heading for one of the separate rooms that he knew to be located at the back of the house, desiring nothing but a single moment of privacy to pull himself together again.

Blindly reaching for the next door available he stumbled into a room with two narrow beds – the girls' bedroom probably – and closed the door behind him in as controlled a manner as possible in his current state.

Once inside he could feel his control slip and fell to his knees, barely even registering the pain that shot through his leg as it made contact with the floor.

He wanted nothing but to cry and yet found that he couldn't. His whole body felt as if he was choking with the pain of having to let her go without any real hope of seeing her again and yet the tears would not flow. He hunched forward, heaving dry sobs, clutching his upper body with both arms for fear that he might simply fall apart, the parts of his body scattering across the floor.

He had not known that it was possible to hurt like that. The poisoned arrow had been a mere joke compared to the agony his soul was in right now. How would he be able to go on after this? How could he ever have deluded himself into thinking that he would simply be able to walk away from this as if it were just another fling, another harmless flirt?

Kíli squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing, knowing that he would only make himself sick if he continued like this. After a couple of minutes on his knees with his forehead pressed against the wooden floor, he pushed himself up again and sank back on his heels. His gaze was drawn towards the small window at the other end of the room and he noticed to his surprise that night had fallen in the meantime. The window pane was dirty, but he could still make out the stars glittering in the sky beyond.

He smiled to himself, sadly. This was how he would go on. He would look at the stars at night and remember, wondering if she was looking at the same stars right now.

Getting up from the floor he made his way to the door, taking one last calming breath before stepping outside. The heads of the other Dwarves turned towards him. If they had heard his sobs through the closed door, they did not let it on.

"We should get ready," he spoke to them, his voice grim with determination. "It's time we finally found the others and claimed our rightful home."


	6. Chapter 5

_Thank you for reviewing, following or favouriting my story. I wish I could update more often, but lately I hardly ever find time to write. Anyway. Here is another chapter from Tauriel's POV. She and Kíli will be separated for a while, but they will meet again eventually, don't worry._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter V**

Tauriel stood at the railing of the small vessel that was to take them across the lake, gazing at Laketown as it was lit by the moon and the stars, the silhouette of the town growing smaller and smaller in the distance.

She had expected that it would hurt to leave Kíli with only slight chances of returning to him ever again. She had been prepared for sorrow, grief, and pain. What she had not been prepared for was the numbness that she now experienced – as if she were perceiving the world around her through a thick, murky veil that nothing could penetrate. Not even the silver light of her beloved stars seemed to reach her anymore. Now she felt about them like Kíli did – they were distant and cold, their light not warm and comforting to her anymore.

She continued to stare into the distance, her eyes wide and her fists clenched at her side. Could this be any harder?

Tauriel drew a shaky breath. She could feel tears burning in the corners of her eyes, but was not willing to give away her true emotions in front of Legolas. Of course he already knew that _something_ was going on, but as far as he knew, what had grown between herself and Kíli was merely friendship and affection. Which was bad enough already, but Tauriel thought that this would be something Legolas would eventually be able to handle, to forgive, to forget.

He could never know that Kíli had made her feel truly alive for the first time in her life, like one of the brightest stars in the sky. He could never know how she craved the dwarf's touch, how one look from his brown eyes could make her glow and set her heart racing. And he could never know how devastated she was at having to leave Kíli behind before she ever had the chance to find out if the spark between them could grow into a bright flame, how with every step that took her further away from him, she had thought that she could feel her heartstrings snapping, one after the other.

Laketown was only a small glimmer on the horizon now, even with her keen elvish eyesight she could hardly make out its shape against the nightsky.

She could feel Legolas come up behind her and sensed that he was trying to think of something to say. _Please don't_, she begged him in her mind._ If I have to say one word, I will surely fall apart._

Legolas seemed to hesitate – which was unusual for him – cleared his throat, and Tauriel thought she could hear him open his mouth to speak, but then close it again before saying anything. Instead he took another step forward and now stood right next to her. His hand came to rest at the small of her back, exerting only the slightest of pressures.

Tauriel closed her eyes when she realized that Legolas was actually trying to comfort her, the thought strangely moving to her already strained mind. She almost came undone right there and then, but desperately tried to reign in her emotions. She kept her eyes closed for another moment and when she opened them only a single tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

The pressure of Legolas' hand on her back increased ever so lightly. Laketown disappeared into the darkness of the night.

* * *

"Tauriel."

King Thranduil's voice sounded cold and distant as Tauriel knelt before his throne on the cold, hard stone-floor. She kept her head lowered, staring at the floor. She feared that if she lifted her head to look at her king, the coldness of his voice would be reflected in his eyes.

Her palms were sweaty as she awaited Thranduil's judgment of her actions. Upon their arrival, both she and Legolas had been led straight to the King's halls. Tauriel had been instructed to wait outside the enormous wooden doors while Legolas had gone inside first to speak with his father. The wait had not exactly helped with the unease that Tauriel felt at having to confront Thranduil and justify herself in front of him.

There had been a time when an audience with her king would have filled the young she-elf with pride and excitement. Pride at being of enough importance to be noticed by her king, excitement at having a chance to prove her worthiness. Lately, and especially today, the emotions that dominated a face to face encounter with Thranduil were mostly fear and reluctance. Some of his actions and decisions that she had witnessed in the more recent past had disappointed her and sometimes she was outright shocked at the lack of compassion with which Thranduil looked upon everything and everyone outside of Mirkwood.

Tauriel hoped that this lack of compassion did not yet extend to members of his own kind…

Thranduil continued. "I do not suppose that it is necessary to remind you that as Captain of the Guard you have sworn yourself to protecting your home and kin at all times and under all circumstances?"

Tauriel remained silent, which Thranduil took as an affirmation of his question.

"Then it is also not necessary to bring to your attention that going across the borders of Mirkwood with neither order nor permission and not returning for _several days_ is not only a severe neglect of your duty as Captain of the Guard, but also constitutes a major betrayal of your kin, which you have sworn to protect?"

Tauriel lowered her head even further. This did not sound as if Thranduil would be particularly merciful when it came to a verdict.

Thranduil paused for a few moments and Tauriel thought she could almost feel his eyes on the back of her head. She suppressed a shiver.

"Legolas tells me that you left in order to assist him in his pursue of the Orcs and to ensure his safety."

Tauriel's head shot up at that, a movement which she immediately regretted when a sharp pain shot into her neck. Legolas was standing next to his father's throne, his hands clasped behind his back and the expression on his face unreadable.

"Umm," Tauriel stammered, feeling her cheeks blush. Legolas had promised that he would not tell his father of her insubordination in Laketown, but that he would take the entire blame for their little trip was not something that they had discussed.

"This circumstance does of course lessen the gravity of your mistake," Thranduil spoke gravely. Tauriel almost thought that it sounded as if he regretted that he would not be able to punish her with the same vehemence now. She quickly bowed her head again in order to hide the frown that came to her face at that that thought.

"Still, my sincerest apologies are in order, my king. I acted foolishly and rashly," she said, trying to sound as humble and deferential as possible.

Thranduil laughed, coldly. "Your apologies are indeed overdue. Also, a mere apology cannot make up for the fact that even if you acted in your role as a protector of the royal family, you nevertheless disobeyed your king's orders. Instead of following Legolas, you should have reported his plans directly to me. You answer to me, not to him"

"Of course, my king," Tauriel mumbled. For a second she had thought that Thranduil might actually let her get away with a simple reprimand, but of course that was not his way.

"Of late I have more than once felt that the freedom and authority that your position brings, has tempted you to act without thought and in contrast to my wishes."

Tauriel wanted to protest that in all her actions she always had the best interests of her kin and her king in mind, and that she could not help it if he could not see what was right. Then she remembered that her latest quest had, if she was honest, not been motivated by a desire to keep Mirkwood safe from Orcs, but by a purely personal desire to save the life of a certain dwarf, and let her shoulders droop.

She knew what was coming next, Legolas had prepared her for this after all.

"As of today, Tauriel, you will therefore transfer from your position in the guard of the borders of Mirkwood to one within my personal guard. Under my supervision you will hopefully learn to think before you act so that in the future, when some of your previous privileges are returned to you, you will know how to use them wisely."

"Yes my lord," Tauriel responded. She knew that there was no point in arguing with her king about any of this and to be honest she did not feel like she would have had the strength to do so at the moment. Now that her verdict had been spoken, she suddenly felt as if the hardships – physical as well as emotional – of the past few days were catching up with her. She tried to pull herself together for another few moments, but could not prevent a slight stagger as she bowed to her king. "Thank you my king, for your kindness and this opportunity."

As she straightened herself and finally dared to look at Thranduil directly, she saw in his gaze the coldness and disapproval that she had expected, but also the tiniest trace of regret at having to pass this judgment. Once more she was stunned at the likeness of Thranduil and his son.

Thranduil sighed and for a moment you could see the thousands of years that he had already spent on this world flicker across his face. He looked tired. This lasted only for a second, however, and immediately the beautiful but stone-cold mask that was his face was firmly back in place.

"Use the next few hours to rest. Your new duty will begin with the next change of shifts."

Tauriel nodded and resisted the urge to risk a glance at Legolas. They would have enough opportunities to discuss what he had said to his father and what the consequences of this would be later. "Yes, my lord. Thank you."

She slowly made her way across the hall, keeping her back deliberately upright. Once she had slipped outside the heavy wooden doors, she had to lean against the wall, close her eyes and take a couple of deep breaths to steady herself. Her head was spinning and once more she felt the pain of her broken heart threatening to overwhelm her.

Once her heartbeat had slowed and the spinning notion in her head had subsided she opened her eyes again. A little way further down the corridor, two elves stood and stared at her curiously. She narrowed her eyes at them and they immediately turned away, trying to look busy.

Tauriel pushed herself off the wall and set out for her room. She could definitely use some rest – but even more so, she needed a place to gather her thoughts and to figure out a way to deal with the massive changes that her life had undergone within the last couple of days.


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's note: Thank you for your kind and encouraging reviews. Your feedback means so much to me! _

_Here's another chapter. Just one thing in advance: In my version of the story, Bilbo found the Arkenstone before the end of DoS and handed it over to Thorin. I need Thorin to have it - why will become clear at a later point._

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit._

* * *

**Chapter VI**

Kíli gazed up at the stars sparkling in the sky. It seemed as if now that Smaug's fire had been extinguished and the smoke had lifted, they we gleaming with renewed power in the now clear air. He was lying on his back on the floor of the boat that his brethren were rowing across the lake towards the Mountain of Erebor. The movement of the water beneath him and the sloshing sound of the waves against the underside of the boat were oddly comforting in their regularity after the turmoil they all -and Kíli himself in particular - had gone through.

After the chaos of the preceding hours, their course of action now appeared to be blessedly simple and clear. They would arrive at the mountain soon and from that point in time there would be two alternatives. In one alternative they would find Thorin, the other dwarves and their burglar alive and well and would proceed to aid them in the reconstruction of the home of their forefathers and rebuild the civilization of Erebor. Which would not be an easy task, but one that Kíli had been preparing for all his life, after all.

In the other scenario – and Kíli hoped that this would not become true, but had to acknowledge the possibility – their friends and family had not managed to escape the terrible wrath of Smaug. In that case his brother would become king and they would have to somehow manage all of this on their own, without being able to look to Thorin for guidance.

If this were to happen, it would surely be a rocky road until they could live in peace. Negotiations with other peoples would have to be arranged – Elves, Men and possibly others – and Kíli feared that there would also be disagreement among his own kind whether Fíli truly was the rightful successor to the throne.

As he lay there, being gently rocked from side to side by the motions of the boat, he turned his head slightly to look at his brother, wondering whether he would be ready to take on all this responsibility. Fíli's expression as he plunged the oar into the water and rowed was one of both anticipation and a strong determination. In the white light of the moon and the silver gleam of the stars his features were emphasized sharply and despite their difference in type the resemblance between him and his uncle was hard to overlook. He looked … _noble_. Yes, Kíli thought, his brother was ready to fulfill his destiny if need be.

And he would stand by his brother no matter what. And maybe, one day, when everything and everyone had settled, he would ask to be relieved of his duties and remove himself from Erebor for a while to somewhere more remote, somewhere where he could breathe and find peace once again. _Heal_.

The events of the past few days had drastically changed Kíli's view on things. His thirst for fame and glory had subsided and while he was still ready to sacrifice everything for his kin and his family, the chance to prove himself in battle had somehow lost the appeal that it had held when they had set out on their quest. Kíli did not know whether it was the darkness that his orc-inflicted wound had temporarily pulled him into or the light that his affection for Tauriel had brought to his life for the shortest of times, but it felt as if he had aged a lot in only a few hours. He had experienced both the purest form of happiness and the most bottomless despair and somehow this had made him more mature, more aware of the things in life that really mattered.

He sighed. The only problem was that the things that really mattered to him did not seem to be within his reach right now.

Upon hearing his sigh Fíli glanced down at his brother. "You alright down there, Kíl? How's the leg?"

Kíli mustered a smile. "Much better. I'm almost pain-free right now."

This was of course not entirely true. The pain in his leg had dulled and what remained of it was mostly a feeling of coldness that Kíli was not sure would ever entirely fade, the remnants of the fiendish poison still lingering in his body. He did not mind, however. As long as he could still feel his injury, at least he knew that he was able to still feel at all, that the emotional and bodily pain of the last two days had not made him go completely numb. And it served as a reminder of the one who had healed him…

Kíli was torn out of his thoughts when the boat suddenly scraped over gravel and the soothing, rocking movements stopped. They had reached the shores of Erebor. Now only a few hours separated them from finding out what their destiny would be.

* * *

The sun was rising as they arrived at the foot the mountain and began their ascent. In the golden light of the morning sun the jagged grey stone walls of Erebor were truly a view to behold and for a moment Kíli was filled with a sort of giddy anticipation and forgot about the dark thoughts that had been troubling his mind. They had finally made it! The dream that had been present in his life ever since he had been a young dwarfling was finally coming true.

Dragging themselves up one last flight of stairs they arrived on a small stone terrace on which, according to the map they had carried with them, the entrance that Thorin and the others must have used was located.

Before Kíli and the others had time to register much about their surroundings – let alone the magnificent view from the small terrace – a small person with light brown curls emerged from a crack in the wall, nursing a golden cup filled with wine.

"Bilbo!" Fíli and Bofur exclaimed simultaneously.

The Hobbit's eyes widened upon seeing them and he promptly dropped his cup. "Oin! Bofur! Fíli and Kíli!" He came running towards them in order to greet them. "It's so good to see you! We were hoping that you would show up here soon, but then of course we couldn't be sure…"

From his excited voice, Kíli could tell that Bilbo probably had many questions and would want to hear the whole story of their journey to Erebor, but this would have to wait. Leaning down slightly he took hold of Bilbo's shoulders and looked at him intently. "Bilbo, my friend, tell us, how are the others who came here with you? Are they… alive?"

Bilbo opened his mouth to answer, but before he got out a word, Thorin stepped out of the crack in the wall, which, as they saw now, was actually a secret door carved into the stone walls. He was followed by the rest of their company, all of them, apparently, unharmed.

Kíli would probably have found it difficult had he been asked to describe the emotions of this precise moment. But as Thorin stepped into the light of the morning sun, his posture upright and proud, a shiver went down his spine and he fully realized for the first time that they had actually achieved their quest. They were home. And Thorin was their king.

A broad smile spread across Thorin's face upon seeing the four of them standing there with Bilbo. He strode over and immediately went to Kíli, clasping him to his chest. Kíli, stunned by this – by Thorin's standards – highly unusual gesture, simply returned the hug. Then, taking a step back and holding Kíli by his shoulders at arm's length, Thorin looked at him intently.

"I am so glad to be able to greet you here, Kíli. I greatly regretted having to leave you behind." Thorin's voice was heavy with emotion, but Kíli also noticed that he did not say he was sorry for his actions. Well, after all he had been right. He would have slowed them down _and _he would be dead by now if he had not been forced to stay behind in Laketown where Tauriel found him.

Kíli nodded, but found that he could not quite hold his uncle's gaze. Now that Thorin stood in front of him alive and well, the feeling of betrayal stirred again in Kíli's chest. Thorin leaned down a little and forced him to look him in the eye. "We will speak more, later," he said, quietly, acknowledging the pain that his decision had caused his nephew.

After a few minutes of a cheerful exchange of greetings between the two groups, Thorin led the newcomers into the mountain, all of them eager to get inside and see with their own eyes what they had longed for for such a long time.

"Restoring everything to its former glory will of course be a lot of work, but some parts of the city appear to be almost exactly as they were left behind by the dwarves. We have set up our quarters for now in the northern part of the mountain…" Thorin's voice faded away as he and the others disappeared through the door.

Kíli lingered behind for a moment, turning to look at Laketown in the distance and the lake itself below, shimmering in the sunlight. His thoughts went out to Tauriel, wondering if she, too, had returned home by now. He hoped she was well and that the blonde elf prince and his stubborn father were not giving her a hard time.

He took a deep breath and told himself to push those thoughts from his mind for now. He would need to stay focused on their task of rebuilding Erebor. And it would also not do him any good to show his feelings in front of the whole company. It had been alright while he had been in Laketown with the three others – they probably chalked his behavior up to his illness and while it somehow bothered him that they did not seem to be willing to take his feelings for Tauriel seriously, he was also immensely glad that that meant that nothing of his and Tauriel's story would be mentioned to Thorin or the others for now.

Thorin had never minded when he or Fíli – mostly Fíli – had developed an interest in someone and sometimes had even cheered with the others when their wooing had been successful. He could however not imagine his uncle coming to terms with an elf at his nephew's side. Kíli snorted. Not that this was something that was very likely to come true.

"Kíl?" His brother poked his head around the door, looking at him questioningly. "You coming?"

Registering a hint of worry in Fíli's voice, Kíli did his best to put on a bright smile. "I'm on my way! Just enjoying the view from our kingdom for a moment."

Fíli returned his smile and disappeared back into the mountain. Inhaling the sweet air of the morning for one last time, Kíli followed his brother into the depths of Erebor.

* * *

Kíli slowly walked down one of the many hallways in the mountain of Erebor, idly trailing his hand along the wall. Thorin had asked to see him and for some reason Kíli felt reluctant to speak to his uncle. Why, he could not quite say.

He let his eyes roam the long corridor from floor to ceiling. Everything was so huge in Erebor and always so elaborately decorated – almost out of proportion. While Kíli was fascinated by opulent architecture and magnificent gems and diamonds, he did not share the admiration that most members of his kin had for such things. It had always been the more intangible things in life he had loved the most – freedom, exercise, the feeling of his bow in his hand, the blurring at the edge of his vision as he ran through the woods. No, he was not a 'typical dwarf' - if such a thing existed. Lately he had lost his faith in such labels.

Stopping in front of a door at the end of the corridor Kíli hesitated briefly before entering. He found himself in a room that must once have been one of the private rooms of the former king, Thorin's grandfather. Thorin was standing at the far end of the room, studying an extremely large, richly embroidered tapestry that was hung on one of the stone walls. It covered the wall from floor to ceiling (which was quite a distance) and as far as Kíli could see from where he was standing, it depicted an intricate family tree.

Behind Thorin, Kíli was vaguely aware of a luminescent glow that seemed to originate from a small object on a round table carved out of stone. Kíli's eyes went wide.

"Is that it?" he whispered. "The Arkenstone?"

He wanted to step closer, but Thorin blocked his path. Slightly puzzled Kíli looked up at his uncle and was even more confused when he noted the defensive, slightly aggressive look upon his Thorin's face. But that passed within a fleeting moment and Thorin's features softened.

"It is indeed," he replied. "But that is not what I wanted to show you."

Kíli was eager to get a better look at the stone, after all this stone was the reason they were here now, the reason why they had travelled halfway across Middle Earth. The reason why his entire life had changed. But he was acutely aware that Thorin seemed unwilling to discuss the Arkenstone - _unwilling to_ _share_? – and so he decided to drop this matter for the time being.

With one last gaze at the stone that seemed so small considering what they had all gone through to obtain it, Kíli allowed his uncle to draw his attention away from the stone and towards the tapestry, next to which Thorin had now come to stand.

Thorin beckoned him over and laid his hand on his nephews shoulder as he came to stand beside him. "This," he said, "is the family tree of Durin. Generations of kings from this line have sat on the throne in the halls of Erebor." He pointed to the bottom of the family tree. "I cannot tell you how glad I am that I am now able to continue this tradition. And one day you and your brother will continue Durin's line. Through you the family will prevail."

Kíli smiled slightly, not really knowing what to say to this. Also he was not entirely sure anymore if he was cut out to be an heir of Durin…

Thorin squeezed his shoulder. "Kíli, if I have made you feel as if you are not a worthy part of this family when I decided to leave you behind in Laketown then I greatly regret that. Because it is not true. You are of great value to this family. And to me."

"No Thorin, I understand," Kíli mumbeled, touched by his uncle's words. "You did what you had to do. For Erebor."

Thorin shook his head. "Not just for Erebor. Also for you. I knew that you would not make the journey in your current state. I suppose I was hoping for some kind of miracle to happen, that somehow you would be saved. And it looks as if you were!" He smiled down at his nephew.

"Yes, I was spared by fate once more," Kíli said quietly, evading his uncle's gaze. He already knew what his next words would be.

"Tell me," Thorin said, "whom or what do I owe thanks for curing you so miraculously?"

Kíli hesitated. He was quite sure that Thorin would not like all the parts of the story. But then he decided that he would hear most of it from one of the others eventually and that he might as well tell him everything. Well, not _everything,_ obviously, but the parts that his uncle needed to know about.

"Well," he fumbled for words. "There is Bofur, obviously, Bard's daughters who helped…"

"And?"

Kíli's throat went dry. He immediately chastised himself for being so foolish. All he had to do was say her name. "Tauriel!" he blurted out, maybe a little too quickly, and a little too loudly.

Thorin frowned. "Who?"

Kíli stared at some spot on the tapestry with the family tree as if it were terribly interesting to him all of a sudden. "From Mirkwood. The Captain of the Guard, remember? Red hair, quite good at killing those nasty spiders…" _Skin like silk. More beautiful than all the stars that are in the sky._

"An elf!" Thorin exclaimed, perplexed. "But what was she doing in Laketown?"

_Looking for me_, Kíli thought, but of course he did not say that. "She was hunting some of the orcs that attacked us when we escaped from Mirkwood," he said instead. "They followed us to Laketown. I do not really remember that part, but Tauriel must have caught up with the orcs at the same moment when they launched another attack on us at Bard's house. The orcs where defeated or chased away, Tauriel stayed and healed me. End of story."

_And yet only the beginning of another one_…, Kíli thought to himself.

Thorin remained silent for a few moments, his expression unreadable. "That elf…"

"_Tauriel,_" Kíli interrupted him. "Her name is Tauriel."

Thorin looked at him suspiciously and Kíli quickly averted his gaze. Thorin continued. "Tell me, Kíli, are you under any obligation towards her? For what she did?"

Kíli looked at him, genuinely puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Did she specify any conditions under which she would help you? Were there … any requests from her side?"

Kíli understood then. "You mean whether she wanted anything in return for her healing? A _payment_?"

Thorin nodded.

Kíli was at a loss for words. And slightly offended at the suggestion that Tauriel might act out of such purely selfish reasons. "If it's your precious gems that you are worried about," he said, more sharply than he had intended, "do not fret. She did not say anything about wanting something in return to either me or the others. And either way, we are even now."

"What do you mean?" Thorin replied. "Didn't you say that her helping you was the end of the story?"

Shit. He had not meant to say that last bit.

"Yes, I mean, no …" Kíli found himself fumbling for words once again."The dragon, you know… there was so much chaos and she ran into some difficulties and I helped her."

Thorin seemed surprised. "The elf was also involved in the destruction of the dragon?"

"We all were, Thorin." Now it was Kíli's turn to be surprised. "Uncle, the dragon nearly destroyed the town and all its inhabitants. There was so much fire, so much damage…"

"I understand that, Kíli," Thorin said gravely. "We did not plan for Smaug to escape. But once he had gone there was nothing that we could have done. It just surprises me that an elf of all people would stay around to help."

Kíli suppressed the anger that was rising inside of him at his uncle's words and tried to keep his voice level. "Is it really so hard to imagine that Elves, Dwarves and Men could fight side by side? Could help each other without any ulterior motives in mind?" _Could become friends? Lovers?_

Thorin maintained a stubborn silence, so Kíli continued. "Once other of our kin start arriving here, we could maybe send some of our men to Laketown, to help them rebuilt their city, couldn't we? After all it _is_ kind of our fault that Smaug attacked them…"

Thorin looked at him, sharply. "As I said, there was nothing to be done once Smaug had made up his mind. This would have happened sooner or later anyway."

"But still…" Kíli tried to reason.

"The decision whether we support the people of Laketown or not will have to be made, but when it is made, it is made by _me_. Soon enough both men and Elves will start showing up on our doorstep anyway, asking for a whole lot of things."

_Then why not just give them what they want? As far as I can tell we have more than enough here. _Kíli would have liked to say this out loud, but felt that he had overstepped his bounds already. He could only hope that Thorin would make the right decisions eventually.

"Well, if you decide to send some help to Laketown, I would like to be a member of that party," Kíli said out loud.

Thorin did not reply. He had gone back to studying the tapestry, his hands clasped rigidly behind his back. Kíli took this as a cue that their conversation was over and slowly made his way to the door. He could not wait to get out of the room - the atmosphere had turned very tense very quickly.

Thorin's voice made him stop in his tracks, one hand already on the door handle. "You've changed, Kíli."

Kíli hesitated. "Not really, no. The last few days were just a little tough. I'm exhausted." He half turned and gave his uncle a small smile, trying to ease the tension between them.

Thorin did not return his smile and shook his head slightly. "No. I can see it in your eyes. You are not the same man you were when we left you in Laketown."

Kíli did not know what to say to this. Yes, he was different. Felt differently. Thought differently. Had a different perspective on things. But how could he have explained any of this to his uncle? His uncle, who always seemed to know what was right and what was wrong, who only saw the black and the white and never the grey?

Thorin turned his attention back to the tapestry. "Just make sure that you do not forget where you belong."

He did not say anything else and Kíli quickly escaped through the door. He walked down the corridor as fast as he could without running and only stopped once he was at a safe distance from Thorin's chamber. Leaning against one of the walls he tried to calm his heart which was beating rapidly.

What had all this been about? He had never gotten into any kind of disagreements with his uncle. On the contrary, he had always admired him for his thinking, almost worshipping the ground that he walked on. Sure, more than once he had been reprimanded by Thorin for acting too rashly, for speaking without thinking first. But Thorin had always forgiven him very quickly. And Kíli had never – not once – had the impulse to talk back to his uncle. But that had been before Laketown. Before Smaug. Before Mirkwood. Before … _her_.

Kíli sighed. Before he could do any more thinking, what he needed most was some rest. Sleep. _Oblivion_. His mood brightened considerably at the thought that tonight would be the first night in a while that he would get to sleep in a proper bed.


	8. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: A big thank you to everyone who reviewed. Please continue letting me know what you think of my story!_

_This chapter and the next one will be from Tauriel's POV. And after that there is more Kiliel to look forward to, so be patient ;) _

_Disclaimer: "The Hobbit" is not mine..._

* * *

**Chapter VII**

Tauriel shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Three quarters into her second shift as a personal guard of the king and she was bored out of her mind. Admittedly the shifts were rather long since her kin did not require much rest, but still…

Her only task seemed to consist of positioning herself at a convenient position in the throne room or in one of the smaller chambers where Thranduil held his many councils and watch out for any suspicious behavior of the visitors that came to see the king or any other kind of disturbances.

Mostly the persons that Thranduil spoke with were members of the council of Mirkwood who gave reports about various things and advised their king as to how to proceed in a certain matter. Right now Tauriel was witnessing a particularly lengthy and elaborate speech made by an ancient elf named Maeasson who gave a _very _detailed report on the current status of the harvest of the grains needed to make Lembas bread.

Tauriel yawned. The other guard who was on duty with her and currently positioned across the room gave her a disapproving look. Tauriel resisted rolling her eyes at the other elf who was a rather young and eager lad named Thrandir.

How was she supposed to stand an indefinite period of having to do this every day? Her muscles ached for movement and her senses longed for a change of scenery, fresh air and powerful sensual impressions.

While keeping up an air of alertness on the outside, Tauriel tried to let her mind wander and imagined herself running through the woods, her hair whipping behind her in the wind and the ground solid and uneven below the soles of her feet. She imagined the stars above her, little diamonds in the sky that were shining down on her.

It was not of her own volition that the shining stars in front of her inner eye were soon replaced by soft brown eyes that sparkled with a light that was unrivalled even by the brightest star. The picture was completed by a sensual mouth that curved upward into a smile, thick, dark curls and a fascinating stubble, the pleasant scratch of which Tauriel could still vividly remember from when it had grazed her skin during an unexpected, passionate kiss…

Tauriel jerked herself out of her reverie, afraid that she would make a fool out of herself if she didn't. No, this would not do. If she ever wanted to get used to her new position and start enjoying herself again, lingering on this romance that had never really begun was something that she would have to avoid. At least during her working hours.

During her free time this was of course a wholly different matter. Upon her return to Mirkwood she had initially considered simply banning all thoughts of Kíli from her mind and only take them up again once she felt it would be safe to so, once the pain that the memories caused her would have dulled. However she had quickly realized that her control over her own mind was not as strong as she had hoped it would be. Since her return she had not rested properly, but had instead been tormented by doubts, memories and this new, passionate longing deep inside of her which she had not known before her eyes had fallen upon this cursed, stubborn, absolutely gorgeous, young dwarf.

Tauriel suppressed a sigh and shifted her weight once more. Thrandir glared at her, but she simply stared back until he looked away, frowning. Tauriel had never been very popular amongst the other Elves in the king's palace, who were irritated by her unpredictable temper and her restless, fidgety nature. Respected, yes, but not regarded with much warmth. From time to time she had captured the interest of young male Elves that were fascinated by her strength and exotic looks. When it came to a more serious commitment, they had however always turned towards young elf-maids who were more gentle, more graceful and less fiery than she was.

Not that Tauriel minded, for that matter. She had enjoyed the attention of each of her suitors for some time, as well as the secret, always slightly awkward exchange of caresses in dark corners, but none of them had ever touched her heart, none of them had ever made her… _glow_.

And then there had of course always been Legolas, a male who had never tried to touch her in _that w_ay, but who had, unlike the others, been genuinely fond of her and stood by her side loyally despite what others thought of her. The logical consequence would have been to choose him as her mate, but somehow Tauriel knew that Legolas could never truly stir her passion nor capture her heart. She hoped that deep inside he knew this, too, despite what his father had suggested to her recently.

Before her shift had begun, her friend had sought her out in her quarters and she'd had the opportunity to thank him properly for what he had done for her. Although she still could not say that she understood what had moved him to do so.

When she had asked him why he had taken all the blame for their little excursion upon himself he had merely shrugged and grinned.

"I was not going to do so," he had said, "but then my father's attitude provoked me and made me somehow want to provoke him in return. I figured that the role of the rebellious youngster would be an apt way to achieve this goal. I cannot say that I am very proud of my actions, though."

Tauriel had frowned. This was very much unlike Legolas, who never acted impulsively. This sounded rather like something that s_he _would do. "What could he possibly have said to anger you like this?" she had asked her friend.

She was curious to know, but Legolas had evaded her gaze and simply said, grinning, "You know how he can be, Tauriel. After several hundreds of years, even _my_ patience wears thin at some point."

Tauriel had decided to leave the matter be right then, since he seemed unwilling to reveal more about this conversation with his father. And somehow she suspected that maybe she did not really want to hear the answer to her question anyway, that whatever Thranduil had said to Legolas had something to do with her.

Wandering over to the window at the far side of her room she had gazed out at the treetops beyond. There were also rooms that did not sport such a spectacular, rooms that were located deeper within the cave system and did thus not have any windows at all, but Tauriel had, upon her promotion to Captain of the Guard, specifically requested this room. She had made use of very few of the privileges that came with her position, but being able to see the stars at night from her own window had been too great a temptation to resist.

She had sighed quietly. At least this comfort was still hers now that she had lost the privilege to roam the woods freely as a consequence of her punishment. Without this small illusion of freedom she felt that she might wither like a flower that did not get enough light.

Legolas had come to stand next to her. "Once my father finally accepts that there is a darkness gathering strength somewhere out there and that it will not do to simply sit by and watch, but that someone will need to take action against it, I am sure that you will be returned to your former position immediately. You _are _one of our best warriors and Thranduil knows and appreciates this." He had nudged her gently. "As do I."

She had offered him a small smile. "Thank you. Do not worry, I understand that you did not have much of a choice, but to suggest my demotion to your father. And who knows. Maybe removing me from the guard for a while really _is_ for the better…"

Legolas had frowned at that, surprised. "What do you mean? I thought you loved your position. The danger, the excitement, the freedom…"

Tauriel had hesitated. "I will surely miss the danger and the diversion… it is too much freedom that I am worried about. Too much room to do something impulsive – again," she had said haltingly. She had been thinking about how her heart was pulling her away from Mirkwood and how difficult it might become to resist the urges that were knotting up her insides.

Legolas had not seemed to understand the meaning behind her words initially, but when she had blushed slightly, ducking her head, she had seen that in his mind he was beginning to put the pieces of the puzzle together, slowly realizing that it had not just been her love of adventure and her hatred of orcs that had pulled her away from Mirkwood the first time and that it was not just the loss of most of her privileges that was tormenting her now, but rather the loss of something – _someone_ – entirely else.

Before Legolas had time to fully understand what she had been implying, Tauriel had quickly distracted him with a question that had been bothering her ever since Legolas had taken the blame for their absence. "What about your own punishment?" she had asked. "Knowing your father, you cannot convince me that he would simply let you get away with this."

Legolas had blinked at the sudden change in topic. "I do not yet know. But he gave me to understand that he would think of something. I suppose he will wait until some particularly unpleasant task comes along and then put me in charge of it."

Yes, Tauriel had thought to herself, that sounded like something that Thranduil would do. He would wait until Legolas almost believed himself safe from any kind of punishment and then spring something onto him when he least expected it. "Well," she had said, "I will try my best to assist you with whatever this might turn out to be. That is the least that I can do."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Legolas had replied. "This, too, will be something that passes." This reflected quite accurately the world view that most of their kin had. All things pass. Elves prevail. Comforting on the one hand, but also utterly sad if you looked at it with a different mindset.

Tauriel had sensed that Legolas wanted to discuss what she had hinted at previously, but she had simply not been ready to talk about this and to discuss her feelings. Maybe in a couple hundreds of years.

She had put her hand on his lower arm. "Thank you my friend for stopping by," she had said, suddenly eager to end their conversation. "I am afraid I will have to leave you now, my shift is due to begin shortly. Being late would probably not exactly improve my current situation."

Legolas had smiled at her and wished her a good shift. Tauriel had however not missed the hint of worry in his eyes when he looked at her.

Once more Tauriel suppressed a sigh. Sooner or later she would have to deal with Legolas and tell him the truth. Or at least some parts of the truth – there were some things, such as kissing Kíli, which would remain her secret, sweet and treasured.

Suddenly Tauriel was torn from her thoughts by the giant wooden doors of the throne room flying open. Perplexed by the fact that something was actually happening, it took Tauriel a couple of seconds to remember where she was and more importantly _why_ she was there.

Quickly she darted into the center of the room to position herself in front of the throne and her king. Thrandir – of _course_ – had already taken up his stance when she got there and gave her a nasty look. Tauriel sure hoped that the number of shifts she would have to do together with this fellow would be limited to very few occasions.

Focusing on the task at hand, Tauriel quickly gestured for Maesson to step out of the way in order for her to get a clear aim at whoever had just burst into the throne room uninvited. Her grip on her bow was steady and she pulled back string and arrow, ready to shoot. Finally she felt like there was something about her new position that she might actually do well.

She slightly loosened the tension of her bowstring when she saw that the person bursting through the doors was merely an old man swaddled in layers of grey wool. Nevertheless she kept her aim focused. Appearances could be deceiving after all.

The old man seemed unimpressed by the arrows pointing at him and strode into the room confidently, his gaze fixed onto Thranduil. A couple of feet in front of Tauriel and Thrandir he stopped and bowed to their king. "Thranduil, old friend. It is good to see you," he said in the Elvish tongue, sounding as if they had just met by accident. Tauriel was not entirely sure, but she could have sworn that the old man winked at her as if they had just shared a private joke.

Tauriel's gaze remained fixed on the strange man, still suspicious. However, she lowered her bow and took a step back when Thranduil came down from his throne and stepped around her and Thrandir to stand in front of the old man where he returned the bow.

"Mithrandir," he greeted him. "Our paths have not crossed for a long time. What brings you here so unexpectedly?"

Mithrandir. Tauriel knew the name. The Grey Wizard, also known as Gandalf the Grey. She looked at him curiously. Somehow she had expected him to look different, more – _impressive_. But then again, that did not have to mean anything. As far as she knew he was very powerful – in his own way – and had frequently been of service to her kin.

It did not escape Tauriel that while her king returned the wizard's greeting with friendliness, his tone also implied a certain suspiciousness. This was in all likelihood not a social call.

Gandalf clasped Thranduil on the shoulder and started to lead him out of the throne room. "Take a walk with me my friend. My joints are stiff from riding for such a long time. There is a matter of great urgency that we need to discuss."

Thranduil went with him without resistance – which surprised Tauriel – but when they neared the doors he hesitated and looked back to where Tauriel and Thrandir were standing. Looking from one to the other for a moment he seemed to make up his mind and fixed his gaze on Tauriel. "Tauriel. Walk with us."

Her heart leapt – finally something to do other than standing around without any kind of diversion. She did wonder briefly why it was her that Thranduil had chosen to accompany them when Thrandir was so much more experienced at guarding the king and, frankly, was doing a much better job at it than she was…

Glancing briefly at Thrandir who had a sour look on his face Tauriel quickly went to her king's side and accompanied him and Gandalf into the corridor outside the throne room.

tbc


	9. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Your wonderful reviews fuel my writing - so here's another chapter much earlier in the week than usual. And it's a very long one, I hope you like it. It continues where the last chapter ended (after Gandalf's arrival in Mirkwood). My characters are sort of unpredicateble and keep changing my original plans for this story. Especially Legolas likes to interfere with my plot ;) _

_Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hobbit" or its characters._

* * *

**Chapter VIII**

Once outside, Tauriel trailed along behind Thranduil and Gandalf, maintaining a respectful distance, but also taking care to stay close enough to hear what they were saying.

"Tell me," Thranduil spoke up after walking in silence for a couple of seconds, "what is this urgent matter that we need to discuss?"

Gandalf looked at him from out of the corner of his eyes, as if trying to assess Thranduil's mood. "I believe that you have met Thorin Oakenshield and his company of dwarves recently."

Thranduil huffed. "If by 'met' you refer to a good dozen of unruly dwarves trespassing on my land, refusing to negotiate, escaping through our wine cellar and, from what I can judge, leading _orcs_ into our territory, then yes, we have met."

The old wizard seemed to have difficulty to suppress a smile, but then his face quickly turned serious again. "Then you are also aware of the quest on which Thorin has led his kinsmen?"

"Ending the reign of the dragon over Erebor? Yes, I am aware of that. And from what I hear they succeeded in that. At the cost of the citizens of Laketown."

Gandalf decided to ignore the last part of Thranduil's statement. "The dwarves have reclaimed Erebor, yes. I have now come here to urge you to make peace with the dwarves – and quickly."

Tauriel's heart missed a beat. This sounded as if they were all alive and well!

Thranduil stopped dead in his tracks. "If that is so then your journey here has been in vain. Thorin Oakenshield has proved to truly be the son of his father and grandson of his grandfather. Not only was he unwilling to enter into any kind of negotiations with my kin, but also severely insulted me." His face turned angry at the mere remembrance of the encounter with Thorin.

The wizard stopped, too, and turned towards Thranduil. "I understand that your pride has been injured greatly by the actions of Thorin and his ancestors. I also understand that dwarves can be insufferably stubborn and that their ways will never agree with you." His gaze darkened and he looked at Thranduil almost threateningly. "But what is happening right now, right in front of your doorstep is of so much more consequence than this strife between Elves and Dwarves. Thranduil, there is a darkness out there which is gathering strength and you know this."

Thranduil evaded Gandalf's gaze. The wizard went on.

"You know the kind of darkness that I am speaking of. A darkness that can pull all of Middle Earth into ruin. You also know that evil such as this can only be conquered if the forces of Men, Elves and Dwarves unite against it."

Thranduil looked at him once more. "And how do you propose to achieve such unity?" He turned his back towards the old wizard and took a few steps. "You speak of _my_ pride, but you forget that Oakenshield is proud, too. And more so, he hates my kin with passion. He could never become loyal to me and my people. We could _never_ trust him and the ones that follow him."

Gandalf approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. Tauriel was surprised. She had never seen anybody acting so … _intimately _around Thranduil. At least not without being reprimanded for it.

"That is why it is you who must take the first step," he urged Thranduil. "The dwarves believe themselves safe at Erebor and I fear that Thorin might soon begin making the same mistakes as his grandfather and father before him instead of making peace with both Men and Elves. But he is not aware of the storm that is brewing. An army of goblins and all other sorts of vile creatures is preparing to descend upon Erebor from the West."

Tauriel gasped. Both her king and the wizard turned their heads to look at her, the wizard in surprise, Thranduil in annoyance. She quickly straightened her features and stared straight ahead. Inside her, however, a storm was raging.

Gandalf continued after this interruption. "Help Thorin and his kin defend themselves. I am certain that the men of Laketown will follow your example and this will be the first step to mend the rift between Elves and Dwarves, Dwarves and Men. This will earn you Thorin's trust and loyalty."

"I do not have to earn anything from Thorin Oakenshield," Thranduil spat. "It is his kin that has wronged mine in the first place, not the other way round."

Tauriel felt a familiar anger growing inside of her. How many times did her king have to be told of the danger that was threatening not only their home, but all of Middle Earth? How many would have to die before he finally realized that hiding in Mirkwood would simply not do anymore?

Anger was joined by desperation. _Kíli_. What if, this time, he would be one of the ones who lost their lives because, instead of helping, her kin preferred to sit back and watch? She knew that the dwarves were experienced and vicious fighters. But from the way that the grey wizard made it sound, they did not stand a chance against the army that was coming for them.

Gandalf relented when he realized that he had pushed the Elven king too far. "I did not mean to imply that you owed the dwarves anything. I apologize if you got that impression."

Thranduil inclined his head, acknowledging the wizard's apology. Yet, when he spoke, his voice was cold. "You have always been a good counselor to my kin and I respect and value your opinion. However I fear that in this particular instance, you are wrong. Oakenshield has already destroyed any possibility for an alliance between our people, as have his father and grandfather before him. I am _not _willing to risk my own life or that of my people in order to help the dwarf. Them getting ambushed by a goblin army might actually be for the better."

"No!" Tauriel exclaimed, simply not able to hold back any longer. It felt as if a giant's hand were wrapping itself around her midsection, squeezing, making it difficult to breathe. She felt dizzy, her blood rushing in her ears.

The two males turned towards her once more, Gandalf's eyebrows arched. He looked at her curiously. Thranduil, on the other hand, kept his head slightly down and only glared at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"Tauriel!" He said, keeping his voice level, but Tauriel could tell from his stance that he was angry. "You are obviously unable to restrain yourself. Leave us."

"But-" she began, and immediately realized that she should not have said anything.

"Go!" Thranduil interrupted her, raising his voice. This was as close as he would get to shouting.

Tauriel flinched and turned on her heel before she would do something stupid. She stormed off into the direction of her private quarters, passing Thrandir at the doors to the throne room. He looked at her questioningly, but she simply stomped past him, too upset to deal with him right now.

Rushing into her room she slammed the door shut behind her. For a few moments, Tauriel merely stood in the center of the room with her eyes closed, clenching and unclenching her fists, trying to regain her composure. Once her heartbeat had slowed and the pounding in her ears had ebbed away, she opened her eyes.

Looking out of the big window she gazed at the trees outside. This was the place she had come to call home after her family had been so cruelly taken from her when she was still very young. Legolas had become her brother and Thranduil, although always keeping a careful distance, her father.

In her mind's eye she could see herself and Legolas run through the woods just outside her window as young Elves, playful, happy, climbing every tree within their reach, already practicing some of the skills that would later distinguish them as some of the greatest warriors of their kin.

Now there were no young elflings tumbling through the woods. Her beloved home in the woods had become a dark, dangerous place, infested with monstrous spiders and who knew what other kinds of evil creatures.

How could a king who was supposed to love his people and his kingdom let this happen? Thranduil was blinded by hate and pride, greed and loss. For so many years she had wished that she could make him see again, but now she realized that this might never happen at all.

But what did this mean for her? What was one to do when everything was coming apart and there was nothing to believe in anymore?

No, that was not entirely true, Tauriel thought to herself. She had found something new to believe in. Hatred and animosity could be overcome. People could learn to look beyond their own prejudices and find something new, something wonderful. She had experienced this herself, had felt it from the first moment she had laid eyes on Kíli. It did not matter whether you were a Dwarf or an Elf. She and Kíli had formed a bond despite the beliefs that they had both been raised with.

_I have seen people reach out to one another in times of hardship in ways that you could not imagine. Building friendship where before there was only animosity, building a future where before there was only emptiness and indifference. Sometimes it is in times of great despair that we realize what we truly want and that we find the strength to create something new._

The words of Kíli's mother echoed in Tauriel's mind. Was this such a time? Was it time to reach out to one another despite the obstacles that separated them? Maybe she and Kíli could show some of their respective kin that there was not only hatred and distrust to be found between Elves and Dwarves. The notion appeared inspiring... Maybe there was a way for them to be together. Maybe it had been wrong to think that in order to do the right thing, they would have to part. Maybe it was the other way round…

But Tauriel also had to admit that that thought filled her not only with happiness and longing but also with a paralyzing fear. If she chose this path now there would be no turning back. Some of her kin – and her king most of them all – would be forever lost to her. Was she truly ready to take such drastic measures? And what if, a tiny, insecure voice spoke up in her head, what if Kíli would not have her after all? Was she a fool to think that she could simply go to Erebor and be accepted among the Dwarves, fight side by side against a common enemy?

Tauriel stood in the middle of her room, frozen in place, running the same thoughts over and over again in her head for a long time. When she became aware of her surroundings once more, she was surprised to see that dusk had fallen over the woods outside her window.

Her mind was now very calm. For the first time since the day the dwarves had escaped from their cells her thoughts did not spin around in her head like tiny carrousels, making her unfocused and slightly dizzy. She knew now what path to choose.

Turning around on her heel, she strode to a chest in a corner next to the door. Out of this chest she pulled a small bag into which she stuffed a couple of things. Lembas bread, a small canteen which was filled with water, a silver locket which had belonged to her mother, a change of clothes. Reaching into the chest again she pulled out the rune stone Kíli had given to her which she had hidden there. Smiling slightly she caressed the runes carved into it with her thumb.

_I'm coming, Kíli. Are you waiting for me?_

The stone went into her shirt pocket. To feel its weight against her chest was very comforting.

She strapped the small bag onto her back and pulled her moss green, hooded travelling cloak over it. Letting her gaze wander about her room she made sure that there was nothing she was leaving behind that mattered to her. After all, she would not be coming back.

Assured that she had packed everything that she wanted to take with her, she turned around and reached for her bow.

A hand on her arm stilled her movements. Shocked she looked up to see Legolas standing next to her, looking worried, hurt, exasperated.

"I- I did not hear you come in," she stammered, unable to say anything else.

Legolas kept his grip on her arm steady. "Yes," he replied. "I see that you were too busy running away to notice. Again."

Tauriel looked at him pleadingly. "Please, Legolas, I know what this looks like, but you have to understand…"

"I am afraid that I cannot. Because you refuse to explain. Ever since the day of the orc attack you have been acting impulsively, foolishly, for reasons that I cannot entirely fathom."

Tauriel flinched at the anger which laced his voice. "But you see, your father, he won't –"

"Yes, Tauriel," he interrupted her, "I am fully aware of what transpired between you and my father this afternoon. I came straight here when I heard because I feared that you might be making some rash decisions. I am sorry to observe that I was right."

Tauriel hung her head low. She had disappointed him once more. He wanted to hear the complete truth from her, but she feared that the truth would not improve his current opinion of her. There had to be another way to make him understand.

"Legolas," she pleaded, "don't you see that what both you and I feared is about to happen? A great battle is about to break out on our doorstep, a battle in which many good people will lose their lives. A darkness is slowly spreading across Middle Earth – I thought we agreed that it will not do to merely sit by and watch chaos unfold."

"Yes," her blonde friend replied, still not letting go of her wrist. "And we won't."

Tauriel blinked. "I do not understand. What are you talking about?"

Legolas finally let go of her arm and sighed, looking out of her window into the darkening sky. "I'm talking about me going to Erebor. My father is sending me there with an army. To fight."

Tauriel's face lit up at his words. Maybe there was a way for her to follow her heart without ripping the bond that tied her to her kin, to her substitute family.

"Then the king changed his mind?"

Legolas seemed to weigh that question in his mind. "I suppose you could say so. Although I fear he has some ulterior motive in his mind, one that has nothing to do with forming alliances."

"Does that really matter?" Tauriel was happy. "As long as we can go and finally do something, I will try not to worry about what comes after."

She suddenly noticed how Legolas was evading her eyes. "What? Why aren't you looking at me?"

Then Legolas delivered the blow that Tauriel should have known was coming. "Tauriel, I said _I_ am going to Erebor. Not _we. _I'm sorry, but you are to stay here. My father specifically said so. I think he – he does not trust your judgment anymore. I'm sorry."

Tauriel stared at him for a couple of seconds, not really knowing what to say. Then she nodded to herself and reached for her bow once more. "Well, then I hope you will understand why I have to leave like this and will let me do so."

Legolas moved to block her way to the door, angry now. "No, I _don't _understand. Why is it that your mind is set on destroying everything that you have here? Everything that _we_ have? Why can't you just accept the circumstances as they are right now and let this go?"

She did not respond to him, but cast her eyes down.

His voice turned softer, almost pleading. "I promise to fight in that battle for both of us. I will slay every foe that is foolish enough to step within the reach of my bow. And I will come back to you, unharmed, and everything can be as it once was."

Tauriel bit on her lower lip, furrowing her brow in sorrow. "No, it can't," she whispered.

Legolas stepped closer, taking hold of both her upper arms, forcing her to look up at him. "Why, Tauriel?"

She merely looked at him, tears burning in her eyes. Tears for Kíli because every fiber of her being longed to be at his side. Tears for Legolas because she had to disappoint him – him whose opinion mattered most to her. Tears for herself because she was about to give up everything.

"It's that young dwarf, isn't it?" Legolas suddenly said. His expression grew sullen when she did not bother to deny it right away. "You _want _him."

"_Kíli_," Tauriel said. "His name is Kíli." She could not help but smile ever so slightly when she realized that she was echoing what Kíli had said to Legolas in Laketown.

Apparently that was all Legolas needed as a confirmation. He dropped his hands and took a step back, turning away slightly. "Yes, I feared something like this." His voice sounded resigned, though not as angry as Tauriel might have expected.

He raised his eyes to her face once more, not quite meeting her eyes. "Then there is no way I can persuade you to stay here with my father?"

Tauriel smiled sadly. "I'm afraid not," she replied, her voice choked with unspilled tears.

Legolas looked at her for a couple of seconds, not saying anything. Then he sighed. "If there is no way to hold you back then I would rather have you come with me than go alone. To fight by your side one more time before we say goodbye."

Tauriel gaped at him. "Does that mean…?"

He smiled. "Yes. You will come with us. We will have to be very careful and disguise you so that you will not be recognized until it is too late."

Tauriel smiled a tearful smile, touched by her friend's loyalty despite the broken heart that he surely had to be nursing right now. "Thank you. Once again you humble me with your generosity and kindness."

Legolas returned her smile reluctantly. "There is one condition though."

Tauriel raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.

"I know that you never took your time to rest after our return. I have watched you at mealtimes, observing your lack of appetite. I cannot be responsible for leading you into a battle in such a weakened state. Sit down with me for one last meal. And rest afterwards to regain your strength. We are due to leave at first daylight, so there is still plenty of time."

Tauriel was taken aback. "Umm… alright?" she said. What else was she supposed to reply to that?

Legolas's face brightened at that. "Excellent! Wait for me here, will you? I will go down to the kitchens and fetch some food and wine for us."

Tauriel nodded and he turned to leave. With his hand already on the doorknob, Tauriel thought she saw him hesitate briefly. But then he opened the door and stepped through, drawing it closed behind him.

Tauriel sank down on one of the two wooden chairs at the small table near her window and looked about herself in slight confusion. What was Legolas up to? She knew him well, and suspected that he might not have given up persuading her to stay behind after all. Or … was he maybe trying to win her over? To win her heart?

She shook her head to get rid of these thoughts. He had just shown her great generosity and loyalty. She should not be doubting him right now. And as long as he provided her with a way to join in the battle – a way that was much more honorable than stealing away in the middle of the night – she was willing to meet any condition that he might impose.

Quickly – almost too quickly – Legolas returned with a silver tray onto which he had piled some fruit, bread and pastries. He was balancing the tray carefully in order not to spill the wine from the two silver goblets that he had placed next to the food.

He swiftly laid everything out on the table and sat down across from her, studying her intently. His tone serious he said to her: "I promise this will be the last time that I ask you this, but are you quite sure that you mean to go through with this? That it is really necessary to take such drastic steps?"

Tauriel nodded without hesitation. She was surprised herself at the sudden clarity with which she was making her decisions and replied in a calm voice, "I am, my friend. I can no longer delude myself into thinking that this is something that will pass if I just sit tight and wait for long enough."

Legolas nodded gravely. He raised his goblet. "Then let us drink to…"

He paused, apparently unsure of what to say.

"Let us drink to friendship, my dearest friend," Tauriel continued for him, raising her glass to his.

Legolas hesitated for a split second which surprised Tauriel, but then he clinked his glass against hers, locking eyes with her, and replied, "Yes, to friendship. To us."

Tauriel smiled even though she was made slightly uncomfortable by the intensity of his gaze. Casting her eyes down she took a deep drink from her goblet, relishing in the warmth that began to quickly spread in her belly. The delicious wine certainly was something that she would miss about Mirkwood.

Looking back up at Legolas, she found that he was still looking at her intently, his goblet still in his hand, filled to the brink. She wanted to ask him why he did not drink from it, but there seemed to be something wrong with her mouth, her tongue as heavy as lead.

Frowning she tried to lift her hand to her mouth to touch it, to see if there was something strange going on with it. But her hand refused to move, all she managed was a slight twitch of her fingers. She tried to speak again, but to no greater effect than before.

She looked at Legolas in panic, wanting to tell him that there was something wrong with her and that he needed to help her, needed to fetch someone who could make her well again. She found it surprisingly difficult to focus her eyes, but when she finally managed she saw that Legolas was still looking at her with that same, curious expression.

She let her eyes drop to the goblet of wine in front of her, a terrible realization dawning at the back of her mind. She could not quite pinpoint what this realization was for a moment, her head felt as if it had been stuffed with soft, fluffy cotton.

With a great effort she managed to concentrate hard enough to form a coherent thought in her head. _He poisoned me. Put something in my drink. Something to make me sleep. Cannot move now. So tired._

Helpless to do something against it, she felt herself slide off her chair. Legolas was there to catch her and all she could do was stare at him in outrage as he carried her to her bed where he set her down carefully and covered her with a soft, silky sheet.

She wanted to scream at him, to beat at him with her fists, protest somehow against this grave injustice that was being done to her. But her eyelids felt so heavy and she felt herself drift off, a feeling that she was not quite used to, always so very much in control of herself and her senses.

The last thing that she saw and heard was Legolas, her friend who had deceived her so, leaning over her, speaking in a strained voice. "I am sorry, my friend. I hope that one day you will forgive me for this and understand that I only meant well. That of all beings in this world, you are the one who matters most to me and that because of this I had no other choice."

The last thing she thought was, _I'm sorry, Kíli. It looks as if I won't be seeing you so soon after all._

Then everything went black.**  
**


	10. Chapter 9

_Author's note: I'm pleased to see that my little plot twist at the end of the last chapter brought about so many reactions :) Thank you for your feedback. And please don't hate Legolas. He will make up for his actions at some point in the future... although this might be a while.  
_

_I'm very nervous about this chapter... I hope you enjoy it._

_Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hobbit"._

* * *

**Chapter IX**

Tauriel was drifting. Above her were the stars, glittering in the black sky. Below her was the earth, the trees and mountains, valleys and lakes… everything seemed so small and insignificant from a distance.

Tauriel smiled and spun once around her own axis, reveling in her own weightlessness. With both hands she reached out for one of the stars close by. She seemed so close to them that she thought she might be able to touch them, to see how they would feel against the skin of her fingers.

She giggled. This was a whole new dimension of walking in starlight.

At that thought a frown sprang to her face. Walking in starlight… those words stirred something inside her head, like a slight tickle at the back of her brain. Wasn't there something that she had meant to do?

Floating on her back with her hands still outstretched she struggled to hold onto that notion. It was very difficult to concentrate with the stars constantly distracting her with their silvery light.

Walking in starlight… Did whatever she had wanted to do have something to do with the stars? Had somebody send her here? To find something? No. That was not it.

The frown on Tauriel's forehead deepened as she tried to remember. She closed her eyes to block out the view of the stars, listening only to her own thoughts now.

_You cannot be her. She is far away. She... she is far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world. It was just a dream. Do you think she could have loved me?_

The words came to her very suddenly and very clearly, as if someone was whispering them in her ear.

Her eyes flew open.

_Kíli_.

Without warning her weight returned to her body and she fell. Fell so fast that for a few seconds her breath was sucked from her lungs. Without a single sound passing over her lips, Tauriel fell out of the sky, colors blurring at the edge of her vision while the stars became smaller and smaller above her until they were tiny, sparkling dots once again. Far, far away from her.

Tauriel experienced a curious sense of loss. This was how a falling star had to feel like as it was cast off from the sky forever.

Her fall seemed to last for a long time, and yet she was not prepared for her impact with earth when it came. Once again, all air was knocked from her lungs when her body hit ground. While the shock was overwhelming, the pain was not. In fact, there was no pain at all.

Tauriel lay completely still for a few moments, waiting for the pain to come. But it did not.

Deciding that it was safe to move her eyes, she tried to assess her surroundings.

She seemed to have landed in tall grass, the blades of which were rising into the sky all around her, preventing her from seeing anything else from her position on the ground. It appeared to be completely dark, the only light coming from the stars in the sky. The ground below her was damp and she could see small droplets of dew glittering on the grass, making it gleam silvery in the starlight.

Her head seemed much clearer now that she was firmly anchored to the ground once more. Still, it was a pity to be down here again. Up in the sky everything had seemed so easy, so beautiful. She had found complete oblivion for a few moments.

A dream. She was dreaming. She realized this now.

But she wondered – briefly – whether all dreams felt like this. So real, so detailed, so intense. She lifted one of her hands and brought it up to her face, examining it in the starlight. It looked exactly as it always did. If this was a dream, should she feel so … conscious?

Tauriel had not had a dream in a long time. As a fully grown Elf she did not usually give herself over to sleep completely. She simply did not require this kind of rest in order to restore her strength. Instead, she had made it her habit to turn her vision inwards until she reached a meditative state in which she reflected on herself and the world around her. Legolas had taught her how to do this. Sometimes, however, she missed this state of complete oblivion that deep sleep could bring. But dreams were a luxury that was reserved for their young ones.

Until now. Tauriel struggled to remember what had brought her here. Something had happened to her, she knew that, but she could not quite say what it was.

Flattening her palms against the ground below her, Tauriel realized that it was covered in soft moss. Spreading her fingers she pushed herself up into a sitting position, so that she would be able to see if there was anything beyond the grass in this dream world of hers.

She gasped at the sight that presented itself to her. The moon hung huge and bulging in the sky, shining in different shades of red and orange. A firemoon.

Tears came to Tauriel's eyes. How cruel of her subconscious to play this trick on her. Kíli had wished so much to be able to show her the firemoon he had seen, but had had to resort to words and descriptions. Now she was seeing it with her own eyes in all its glory and he was not there to watch with her. Never since they had parted had she missed him more than at this very moment.

Her eyes riveted on the moon, Tauriel was only marginally aware of movement to her right, several yards away. When her instincts perked up and told her that there was someone else there with her, she whipped her head around sharply.

Another person was struggling to sit up in the tall grass, holding their head and groaning once they had managed to do so.

Tauriel's breath caught in her throat. Kíli.

Only when he mirrored her previous movement and turned his head in an effort to localize the other presence there with him, did she realize that she had spoken aloud. He looked puzzled for a moment, squinting to see properly in the dim light.

When he recognized her, utter disbelief and an almost painful happiness rivaled each other on his face. His expression would have been comical under different circumstances – now it only served to bring more tears to Tauriel's eyes. Tears of joy.

Tauriel could not say who moved first, but within a few seconds they were scrambling towards one another, running, stumbling, falling, crawling, until they fell into each other's arms, laughing, clutching, hugging, crying.

When they pulled apart, Tauriel's cheek was wet, but she did not know if it were her own tears or his or both. Her pants were damp from where her knees rested on the wet grass, but she hardly felt it. He was here. With her.

Kíli cupped her face in both hands and she brought her own hands up and wrapped them around his wrists, holding on tightly. A broad, tearful smile spread on his face.

There were so many things Tauriel wanted to say, wanted to ask. But the only thing she got out was: "Did you fall out of the sky, like I did?"

Kíli laughed, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "No," he said. "But it feels like I have been waiting here for you to come down from the sky for a long time."

Puzzled by his answer, Tauriel wanted to ask what he meant by that. Had he seen her, up there? How had he gotten here in the first place? Then she remembered that this was only a dream. The most wonderful dream, but still only a dream. Was it childish to think that she might destroy the illusion if she asked too many questions, demanded too much logic?

So she just looked at him, taking in his beauty. She lifted one hand to trace the stubble on his jaw, something that she had been itching to do ever since she first met him, but had restrained herself from doing even in their more… intimate moments together.

He leaned into her touch, smiling. "I missed you," he whispered hoarsely.

Tauriel wanted nothing more than to kiss him at that moment, but felt very shy all of a sudden. She reprimanded herself for her hesitation – if in her real life she was forbidden from acting on her feelings she might at least do so in her dreams, right? And so, in a very bold move, she brought her own lips to Kíli's.

At first their lips brushed against one another only very lightly, but Tauriel did not have to wait long for Kíli to respond. She felt his lips move beneath hers, slowly, sensuously, and suddenly he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close to him, holding her in a passionate embrace.

She gasped in surprise when he jerked her so abruptly towards himself, but then responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, drawing him even closer.

As she deepened their kiss, Kíli responded with a low moan. Confused, Tauriel pulled away slightly, breaking their kiss. Had she hurt him? Or done something unpleasant? She wanted to ask him, but Kíli did not give her a chance to speak and immediately reclaimed her lips, tightening his grip around her waist.

Tauriel smiled against his lips, realizing that the sound he had made had obviously not been one of discomfort. The thought that she was having such a profound effect on him filled her with a formerly unknown sense of pride. Pride that such a wonderful creature as he was would want to hold her like this, to touch her, _love _her.

When he felt her smile, Kíli broke their kiss. Mirroring her smile he searched her face with eyes clouded with desire. "Why do you smile my shooting star?" His voice was heavy, laced with his passion for her.

Tauriel felt the sting of fresh tears when she gazed into his eyes, seeing the intensity of his feelings for her reflected in them. He looked at her questioningly when he saw her eyes mist over, but she just shook her head, unable to speak, and pulled his face back towards hers, resuming their kiss with even more vigor than before.

She began to lose herself in his touch, no thoughts and no feelings existed anymore beside the feel of his lips upon hers, his hands on her body, his breath on her face. Tauriel surprised herself by instinctively pulling both of them down onto the damp grass, him on top of her.

With their bodies now pressed against one another completely, they broke their kiss once more, gasping for air, surprised and overwhelmed with the intimacy of this new position.

Propping himself up on one elbow, Kíli used his free hand to stroke her cheek. Tauriel returned his intense gaze, her body thrumming with desire in a way she had not known before. Slightly lifting her hips off the ground she pressed herself closer to him. His eyes fluttered closed when she did so, another low moan escaping his lips. She could feel his body respond to her, his hardness pressing into her core where their bodies were joined most intimately, separated only by a few layers of cloth. Instinctively, Tauriel spread her legs, allowing their bodies to come even closer than before. His eyes remained closed, the strained expression on his face betraying his struggle to maintain control over his body.

Tauriel marveled at the fact that with their bodies aligned like this, their difference in height did not matter at all anymore – they fit together like two pieces of puzzle.

Watching Kíli's face intently, she ran a hand up the side of his body, smiling when she saw him press his lips together in order to prevent himself from making any sound.

Suddenly he grabbed her wandering hand and, after placing a feather light kiss on the inside of her wrist, pinned it down above her head. His eyes were open again and he searched her face for her answer to an unspoken question.

Tauriel felt herself blush fiercely when she realized what it was that he was asking her with his eyes. Her breath quickened and she felt very nervous all of a sudden. Her heart was pounding erratically inside her chest and she wondered if he was able to feel its beat resonate in his body. But she held his gaze steadily and, the blush on her face deepening, nodded almost imperceptibly.

She felt Kíli take a shaky breath and realized that he too was very nervous. She brought her free hand up to his face and traced his lower lip with her thumb before cupping his neck and drawing him down towards her, pressing her lips to his to take some of the nervousness that they both felt away.

Immediately she could feel him relax and when she rocked her hips ever so gently he responded by pressing himself against her more tightly, making her breath hitch in her throat. Resting his forehead against hers, he let go of her hand that was stilled pinned above her head and used his now free hand to fiddle with the lacing of her bodice. With swift fingers he pulled the cords loose and, with a sudden urgency, tugged the garment open and out from under her body, tossing it to the side carelessly. With similar skillfulness he unlaced her shirt and dragged it open, exposing her bare skin to the night.

Pushing himself up to kneel between her legs, he took his time to take in the sight of her as she lay half-naked before him. Running one, slightly shaky, hand down the left side of her body, grazing her breast with his fingertips ever so lightly, he whispered, "_Mahal. _You're so beautiful."

Tauriel felt her face flush once more, but restrained herself from averting her eyes in embarrassment and instead kept her gaze locked on his face, marveling again at the effect that she had on him. He caught her gaze and when he saw her eyes wander down the length of his upper body he smirked.

"See something that you like?" he teased her.

Tauriel responded with a smirk of her own. "Not as much of it as I would like to see," she said, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

He smiled and, without further ado, shrugged out of his coat and started unlacing the shirt he wore underneath. When he tossed it aside it was Tauriel's turn to gape. With his broad, muscular chest, his pale skin shining silvery in the starlight, he was truly a sight to behold. And so different from the men she had seen before, with dark, crinkly hairs covering the planes of his chest. She followed those hairs with her eyes down his upper body, up until the point where they disappeared into his pants in a narrow line.

Stretching out her right arm she traced that same line with her finger, feeling him shiver beneath her touch. Reaching the waistband of his pants she wrapped her fingers around it and gave a slight tug, wanting him close to her once again, to see how his skin would feel upon hers.

She must have caught him by surprise, because he lost his balance and fell back on top of her, breaking his fall with one hand on each side of her head, the tip of his nose only an inch above her own.

They both laughed at this, but quickly turned more serious again when their desire reached a new peak brought about by this new, exhilarating sensation of skin upon skin.

Glancing down to where her breasts were pressed against his chest, Kíli lowered his head to Tauriel's neck, kissing first the skin there and then trailing kisses along her collarbone, using one of his hands to caress every inch of skin on her upper body. Soon his caresses became more urgent and Tauriel let her eyes flutter closed, arching her back in desire.

She could not recall his hands leaving her upper body, but they must have at some point, because suddenly her pants joined the small heap of discarded clothing somewhere to her right. Tauriel gasped when the cool air of the night hit the sensitive skin between her legs and when the unexpected coldness was replaced by the warmth of Kíli's fingers, stroking, rubbing, massaging her gently she felt ready to burst with pleasure at any moment.

She moaned in protest when his fingers left her, and when she lifted her head off the grass to see what the delay was, she saw him struggling with his belt, trying to shrug out of the pants that seemed to be restraining him quite painfully by now.

Tauriel grinned and was happy to assist him with this. With swift fingers she helped him unbuckle his belt and he slid out of his pants in one quick motion and then aligned his body with hers again.

Both of them completely naked now, they took a moment to collect their thoughts, to allow their bodies to accommodate themselves to this new sensation. Bringing his face level with hers one again, Kíli looked deeply into Tauriel's eyes and she was almost moved to tears by the tenderness that she saw in his gaze.

They both knew that it would have been too late to simply stop now anyway, but still he once more asked her for her permission with his eyes, before slowly, gently, entering her, joining their bodies in the most intimate way.

Tauriel gasped when he filled her so pleasantly, so completely. Strange as it might seem, their bodies were just right for each other. They stared at one another in slight shock for a moment and when Kíli dipped down his head to claim her mouth in a tender kiss, Tauriel felt as if the universe and everything in it clicked into place all of sudden. This was where she was meant to be. He belonged to her just as she belonged to him. Only the stars were watching as they completed their unlikely union in this act of love.

Never had she felt more alive than at this very moment. Only much later would she wonder at the irony of finally finding a sense of completion in a dream of all things. For now all she was aware of was Kíli's body on top of hers, their bodies slowly finding a common rhythm that send waves of pleasure through her body, making her fingertips tingle and her heart sing.

Later they lay on their sides in the damp grass facing each other, their breathing slowly coming back to normal. Absentmindedly, Kíli ran a hand up and down the side of Tauriel's body, gazing into her eyes as if he were afraid that she might disappear if he so much as blinked.

Tauriel sensed that he was about to speak, but again she was scared that too many words might destroy this wonderful illusion. So she quickly silenced him with a kiss, scooting closer once more.

They kissed slowly, languidly, still exhausted from their previous lovemaking. When Kíli pulled away and smiled at her like the happiest man on earth, Tauriel whispered the first words that came into her head: "_Meleth e-gûr nîn, guren níniatha n'i lû n'i a-govenitham. Ned i postog a nîn, ni bant._"*

Kíli continued to smile at her and she wondered if maybe this dream version of him had understood the meaning of her words. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead in an affectionate kiss. The sweetness of the gesture made Tauriel close her eyes to stop tears from welling up. She opened her eyes again when his soft lips left her skin.

He was gone.

Tauriel sat up abruptly, looking around in panic. "Kíli?" she called, hoping against hope that he might answer her. But everything remained dreadfully silent.

Suddenly there came a gust of wind and everything in front of her eyes – the moon, the stars, the grass and the trees - was swept away like grains of sand tossed about in a storm. Tauriel was plunged into darkness.

* * *

_* Translation: Love of my heart, my heart shall weep until I see you again. When you lie beside me, I am complete._


	11. Chapter 10

_Author's note: I'm so glad that you all enjoyed the last chapter! Thank you for your kind words. _

_After so many chapters from Tauriel's point of view, we'll now return to Erebor for a while to see how Kíli is doing. Hope you like the path that I chose for this story._

_Disclaimer: I do not own "The Hobbit" or any of its characters._

* * *

**Chapter X**

Kíli awoke with a smile on his face. His sheets were tangled around his legs and when he tried to stretch he found that he could hardly move. But he was happy – incredibly so. At least until reality caught up with him and he remembered that that happiness had merely been brought about by a dream.

He struggled to sit up, further entangling himself in his bed sheets in the process. He growled in frustration and tugged on one of the sheets a little too harshly, accidentally ripping it in half. He stilled in his movements, perplexed, and looked down at the two pieces of cloth lying in his lap so sadly as if it were his own heart that had been torn into two.

Had he not suffered enough already? Did losing his heart to one that was out of his reach not suffice? But no, his bloody mind had to go and torment him with illusions of his love, so real and so tangible that he could still feel her lips on his, her skin underneath his fingertips, her quickened breath in his ear. This was not fair.

Kíli sighed, slumping his shoulders. Maybe he should not be complaining. Dreaming his life with Tauriel might not be the same thing as living his dream together with her, but maybe this was better than nothing at all.

He had to give it to his imagination – that really had been quite a nice illusion. He smiled a wistful smile. Her pale skin under the light of the stars, her taste on his tongue, her gentle voice whispering sweet, Elvish nonsense into his ear…

He paused at that thought. He did not speak Elvish, except for a handful of mostly useless words. So where had those words she had whispered so sweetly in his ear come from? Had it just been gibberish made up by his imagination? It sure had _sounded_ like genuine Elvish…

He rubbed a hand over his forehead, trying to rid his brain of such silly thoughts. It _had _been a dream and everything in it had been a construct of his own subconscious. Still, he reached for a piece of parchment on his nightstand and scribbled down the words Tauriel had said to him in his dream as accurately as he could manage without proper knowledge of the language. Couldn't hurt, could it? Maybe he'd have an opportunity to look into a possible meaning behind those words later.

As Kíli shifted on his bed to put pen and paper back onto his nightstand, something pressed into his thigh beneath the sheets. Frowning he dug around under the blankets until his hand closed around a small object with a cool, smooth surface.

He pulled out his hand and looked at the object resting on his palm. It was his runestone.

No. He shook his head. Not _his_ runestone. This had to be a coincidence, a token left behind by his ancestors who had resided in these halls long before he had.

He brought the stone closer to his face, examining it from every angle, running his thumb over every dent, every ridge carved into it.

Kíli swallowed against a lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. It _was _his stone. Not only were the same words carved into it – every other detail was the same as well. On their journey he had spent so many hours looking at the stone, touching it, tracing its carvings that he would recognize it amongst hundreds of similar stones.

He dropped his hand into his lap, looking around his room in confusion. Had someone sneaked in at night and put it in his bed? No, that was impossible. He had given the stone to Tauriel and she was in Mirkwood.

He looked back down at the stone. _Return to me_. That was what the runes on it read.

He bit his lip. What did all this mean? Tauriel had returned to him in his dream – had the stone returned to him in real life? Was it – was it possible that at least for a short time some kind of physical connection had been established between himself and Tauriel that went beyond the grasp of rational understanding?

And, if any of this was true, had she seen what he had, experienced what he had felt? Had she been there with him in this slightly mystical place beneath the stars and the moon?

Kíli could feel color rising in his cheeks. It was one thing to have that kind of dream about her, but a wholly different matter to just imagine that what had transpired between them had been real – on some level.

He licked his lips that suddenly felt very dry and glanced at the piece of parchment that he had just put away. The words on it did not make any sense to him, but maybe finding out what they meant – _if _they meant anything at all – might be the clue to solving this whole mystery.

And what if the words did make sense? What if they told him that this had not just been an ordinary dream? Well, he would simply have to wait it out and cross that bridge when he got to it.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to his room banged open and his brother marched in, smiling cheerfully.

Quickly Kíli hid both the stone and his scribbles under one of his pillows.

Fíli marched over to the single window in the room and pulled the curtains wide open, whistling a happy tune in the process.

"Good morning," he said as he turned around to his younger brother, grinning broadly. His face fell as he took in Kíli's – admittedly – slightly disheveled appearance and the odd look on his face.

Quickly he strode over to Kíli's bed and looked at him intently. "Are you alright, brother? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Kíli tried his best to brush him off, saying, "Nah, I'm fine. Just had a funny dream, 's all."

Fíli glanced at the torn sheet still spread across Kíli's lap and laughed. "Yeeeaah… no, I don't even want to hear it." After wriggling his eyebrows suggestively he added, "Come on, get dressed. I thought we could do some sparring after breakfast. Seems like you've done your fair share of sitting around, doing nothing, haven't you?"

Kíli rolled his eyes at his brother. He was not really in the mood for any of this. What he actually wanted to do was find a way to figure out what had happened to him that night while he had slept. Surely there had to be a library of some sorts here at Erebor. If he wanted to look into the words that Tauriel had spoken to him in his dream that was where he would have to start. But he knew that if he came right out and told Fíli that he would rather sit down with a pile of books than practice his sword fighting, he would probably be suspected of running another fever and would be put back into bed.

So, slowly and a little reluctantly, Kíli started gathering his things together and got dressed for breakfast while his brother was waiting for him by the door, obviously determined to draw him out of his pensive mood.

"We've had word from the dwarves of the Iron Hills," Fíli filled him in on their way to the dining hall. "They have heard the news and are on their way here. Looks like the halls of Erebor will soon be populated with our kind once more."

Kíli mustered a smile. "That is good news, right?"

Fíli shrugged. "I suppose it is. Thorin and Dáin might have some differences to settle amongst themselves, however. But I guess that now that Erebor has been reclaimed and the Arkenstone is in our hands once more, this should all go smoothly."

"Mhhmm," Kíli agreed. He hesitated briefly. There was something he wanted to ask his brother, but was not sure whether it would be a good idea to bring it up. Then he reprimanded himself for thinking along those lines. This was Fíli – his brother, with whom he had shared everything for as long as he could remember. His brother, who had offered to carry him to Erebor rather than leave him behind. Whom could he trust if not him?

"The Arkenstone," he thus began haltingly. "How do you feel about that?"

Fíli glanced at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

Kíli weighed his words for a moment. "I mean, do you think that it is such a good thing that Thorin has it now? Somehow I feel like maybe it isn't wise to grant so much importance, so much _influence, _to that thing."

Fíli frowned. "Hmm. I've never looked at it that way. It's just a stone, I suppose. A very impressive one, but just a stone after all. A symbol for the authority of the King under the Mountain. It is Thorin who rules as king, not the stone."

Kíli considered his brother's words for a second. "I'm not so sure of that. I guess I'm afraid that the stone might have some kind of power over the one who holds it – a power that is not just a symbolic one. I just don't want Thorin to change, that's all." Kíli thought of his conversation with his uncle two days before and shivered inwardly when he remembered the look in Thorin's eyes as he had positioned himself between Kíli and the stone, shielding it from him.

But Fíli smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm sure Thorin will be a great king. The greatest that there ever was. He is much stronger than all of us – with the stone or without it."

"I hope you're right, brother," Kíli replied, yet could not quite manage to shake off the feeling of impending doom that had taken hold of him lately.

Fíli nudged his younger brother. "Cheer up, Kíl. When did you become so broody? It's time to focus on the nice things in life again. We're at _Erebor_. We have food, we have ale, and soon," he winked, "soon there will be lots of pretty dwarf-maids to chase through the hallways."

Kíli looked away sadly, unable to picture himself chasing after dwarf-girls any time soon. How could he, when all he saw whenever he closed his eyes was _her_? Her long red hair, her keen eyes, her delicate, pale skin, speckled with oh so many tiny freckles.

Fíli heaved a heavy sigh at the lack of enthusiasm that Kíli showed at his suggestions. He took hold of his elbow and forced him to stop and turn towards him. When he spoke his tone was more serious than most of the time and full of concern for his little brother. "Kíli, listen, you need to stop torturing yourself like this. I pretend not to see, but I cannot bear to watch you go on like this. There is no future for you with her, you need to accept this and move on."

Kíli looked up into his brother's eyes, surprised that he would bring this up. Fíli continued. "Look, I know that the last few days were really tough on you and I understand that in such extreme circumstances the heart can get confused and things might easily be over-interpreted. You think yourself in love, but trust me, once you look at this from a certain distance you will be able to laugh at the improbability of it all. But to do so you need to let it go – let _her_ go."

Kíli shook his head, not only because he violently disagreed with his brother's judgment of his feelings, but also because he was completely unwilling to follow his advice. Especially after last night, simply forgetting about all of this was out of the question. Well, at least now he knew what the general perspective on his situation was and that it would be pointless to ask for any help in solving the mystery of his nocturnal adventure.

He forced himself to laugh, shaking off his brother's hand. "I don't know what you're talking about, Fíl," he said, trying not to sound upset, but cheerful. "I guess I just didn't have a proper meal in way too long. I'm not sad, I'm just so damn hungry. Whoever gets to the dining hall first gets the bigger plate!"

And with that he rushed off down the corridor, leaving his brother to stare after him perplexedly, but no less worried than before.

* * *

After a breakfast during which Kíli had tried his best to keep up a cheerful conversation with the other dwarves at the table in order to not give Fíli a chance to resume their previous discussion, the two brothers set off towards their respective rooms to collect their weapons.

As he walked along the never ending corridors of Erebor, Kíli felt sick to his stomach. Contrary to his earlier assertion, he had not felt hungry at all. All the food on his plate had tasted blandly once he put it in his mouth and it had been quite a struggle to chew and swallow it all and keep up a cheerful air. But for the sake of keeping up appearances he had eaten it all, feeling his brother's eyes on him all the time.

While it pained him to shut out his brother like this and hurt to know that not even he who knew him so well was able to take his feeling for Tauriel seriously, the events of this morning had at least hardened Kíli's resolution to keep everything that had transpired between him and Tauriel a secret. From their first intimate conversation in the dungeons of Mirkwood to their dream-like, heated encounter the previous night. Not that that was anybody's business any way.

Arriving in his room, Kíli grabbed his sword and some protective armor. On second thought he also took the piece of parchment with the Elvish words on it out from under his pillow, carefully folded it into a small rectangle and stowed it away in his shirt pocket. He couldn't know whether today an opportunity might open up to look into that matter.

Taking a deep breath to ease the nausea that he still felt, Kíli set off to meet his brother. Maybe a little distraction and physical activity would do him good after all.

* * *

"You filthy, stinking-"

The rest of Kíli's curse for his older brother was muffled by Fíli's shoulder pressing into his face, flattening him against the ground and decreasing his chances of wrestling out of Fíli's grasp.

Both dwarf princes were covered in sweat, hair falling into their foreheads in damp strands, their faces flushed from their exertions. Swords and daggers had long been discarded, as had the bulkier parts of their armor. Now this was down to full-contact wrestling, each of them trying to overpower the other with his bodily strength.

And Fíli was winning, as Kíli hated to admit. Fíli had always been the better one of the pair when it came to this way of fighting. Even though he knew that it was probably hopeless, Kíli refused to give up yet and tried to pour all of his pent-up anger and frustration into his final attempt to push his brother off himself.

He growled in frustration when Fíli barely moved an inch and even had the audacity to laugh at his younger brother's effort to free himself. In an attempt to pin Kíli to the floor completely and thereby end their fight, Fíli wrapped one of his arms around the back of Kíli's right knee and pulled up his leg.

Kíli's angry growl immediately turned into an agonized scream when a sharp pain shot through his leg, caused by the arrow wound that was still healing.

Shocked, Fíli immediately let go of Kíli's leg and scrambled off his brother's body, hurriedly checking for any damage.

"Damn it, Kíli, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking…"

Kíli tried to calm his breathing, waiting for the pain to ebb away. "I'm alright, don't worry," he finally choked out.

Fíli's gaze remained worried. Only when Kíli sat up and gave his brother a slight smile, did the lines of worry on his forehead smoothen. "I'm okay, Fíl. Really. Relax."

Fíli got to his feet an extended a hand to help his brother up. He bit his lip when he saw Kíli wobble slightly once he was on his feet again and then favor his left leg. "I guess we had better stop now. You should rest."

Kíli smiled, his mood brightening at the thought that now he might have a chance to go off on his own and try to find a book or something else that would help him with an Elvish translation. "I'll have my revenge for that one though." He winked at his brother, not wanting him to worry himself any more than he already did.

Fíli seemed relieved that Kíli was not severely hurt. "I'll pack up here. You go and lay down for a while."

For once Kíli was happy to oblige and made his way to the door of the room they had occupied for their training, careful not to let his limp show too much. His leg _did_ hurt quite a bit after all. Once he had shut the door behind him securely he glanced around himself and then set out not for his own room, but in theopposite direction.

* * *

Half an hour later, Kíli found himself wondering if there actually was such a thing as a library at Erebor. Most of the dwarves he knew – including himself - were not exactly what you would call bookish. Maybe his ancestors had never bothered to compile a collection of books and other writings?

But then he shook his head. No, there were also dwarves such as Balin, who was quite well-read in a huge number of areas. He could not have gained all that knowledge from oral storytelling amongst his own kin.

When he was almost ready to give up his search for the day, Kíli turned another corner and bumped into another person. It was Bilbo.

Kíli smiled at the small guy, suddenly feeling sorry that he hadn't been paying much attention to him every since their return to Erebor. Gandalf had yet to show up and it seemed as if Bilbo, now that his task had been accomplished, was unsure of how to proceed. So he had apparently decided to just remain at Erebor for the time being.

"Mr. Boggins," Kíli said kindly, deliberately mispronouncing Bilbo's name, "what a surprise. Did you lose your way?"

"Oh, not at all," Bilbo responded. "I was just on my way to get second breakfast after returning a book to the library."

Kíli's face brightened. "The library? Excellent! Point me in its direction, would you?"

Bilbo merely gaped at him.

"What?" Kíli asked, pretending to be offended. "I _can_ read, you know."

"O- of course," Bilbo spluttered. Except for very few members of their company, Bilbo always seemed to be slightly ill at ease around most of them. Well, Kíli couldn't really blame him for that. They had given him a bit of a rough time more than once during their journey. He smiled at the hobbit reassuringly, trying to tell him that he had done nothing wrong.

Bilbo relaxed a little at that. "Take the next turn to the left, then the second one to the right, and there you'll find it at the end of the hallway. It's quite impressive actually."

Kíli's heart sank at that. Would he be able to find what he was looking for amongst a huge number of texts? Well, he would just have to try.

Thanking Bilbo for his service, Kíli set off down the hallway. The task that lay ahead of him was something he had never really thought he would be confronted with. Well, he thought, there's a first for everything. But he would definitely have preferred to fight another dragon.


	12. Chapter 11

_Author's note: Thank you for your reviews, I love each and every one of them. I'm so glad that you're still out there, reading and enjoying my story. Hope you like this new chapter! I know that things are progressing a little slowly right now, but I promise that there will be some unexpected plot twists in the upcoming chapters.  
_

_Disclaimer: "The Hobbit" does not belong to me, nor do its characters. _

**Chapter XI**

"Uhhhhgh."

Kíli groaned in desperation and let his head sink onto his arms folded in front of him on the table.

So many books. There were so many books in the library of Erebor, Kíli had not known that so many even _existed_.

Upon entering the halls where they were stored on broad shelves that almost reached the ceiling, Kíli had realized immediately that this would not be as easy as he had initially thought it would be. Walk in, pull out a dictionary of some sort, figure out what the words he had hastily scribbled down on a piece of parchment this morning meant.

Nope, that was definitely not how this would work. But he had to at least try, didn't he? So he had just started searching for a book that might help him at some random point in the library, running his fingers along the spines of the many volumes, occasionally sneezing when he whirled up too much dust.

After a while he had at least managed to figure out that the books had not been put into the shelves haphazardly. They were not ordered alphabetically either, but instead arranged according to subject matter. Eventually he had located a section with a number of books that had Elvish writing on their spines – if he wanted to find a translation of the words he had heard in his dream that was probably where he would have to look.

So he had pulled book after book from the shelves, carrying them towards one of the tables that were clearly meant for studying, and had started flicking through them, looking for anything that seemed familiar.

The problem was – he couldn't read Elvish script. And quite a number of the books where at least partly written in it. So how was he supposed to recognize Tauriel's words if he ever came across them? Somehow he had not thought of that before.

So, laboriously, he had tried his best to transcribe the words on the, by now slightly tattered, piece of parchment into Elvish script, using a table he had found in a book that seemed to study and compare different Elvish dialects. He had no way of knowing if those 'words' were even actual Elvish words and what he had ended up with looked… _odd_, but it would have to do.

That had been two hours ago. Since then he had virtually made no progress at all. Nothing he saw in those books made any sense to him. The pile of discarded volumes to his right side was growing and growing, but he had yet to find anything at all that might be helpful.

Sighing he raised his head from where it rested on his arms and stared at the pages in front of him, supporting his head with both hands. The letters and runes began to blur before his eyes, rearranging themselves on the page, forming new words that made no sense at all – not that they had before, for that matter. He rubbed his eyes. He had gotten too much dust into them and now they felt itchy and tired. The dim light issued by the small lamp he had lighted and the stale, musty air did nothing to improve his concentration.

Maybe if he closed his eyes, just for a minute, his vision as well as his head would become clear once more…

Kíli could have sworn that only a second had passed, but suddenly he could feel himself drifting, seeing things that should not be there at all, colors, forms that he did not recognize. Disoriented he looked around himself, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He could not.

Quite abruptly he became aware of another presence there with him among the blurred shapes, a presence very familiar to him. Tauriel. He could sense her. Her presence was so strong, so overwhelming that he could almost taste her essence on his tongue as if she were everywhere at once, as if she were the air that he breathed.

He could feel her fear, her desperation, and while he could not hear her voice, he could sense her calling for him, looking for him in this surreal space. He tried to answer her, to return her call, but he choked, unable to utter a single sound. He imagined the dust he had been breathing in clogging his respiratory system, blocking his air. He clutched at his throat, trying to force air into his lungs.

Suddenly he felt fingers brush against his hand, saw a strand of red hair flit through his vision. He reached out with one hand, but his fingers only met with empty air.

A loud thud echoed in his ears and he opened his eyes to find himself back in the library of Erebor. He had pushed a particularly heavy volume off the table when he had stretched out his arm and it had crashed onto the floor.

Disoriented, he lifted his head and blinked a couple of times. He jumped in shock when he noticed Balin standing on the other side of his desk, looking at him curiously.

"Everything alright there, laddie?" Balin asked him, inclining his head to one side.

"Umm," Kíli stammered, "sure. I was just... reading." With his hands beneath the table, he quickly balled up the parchment with his feeble attempts at a translation and pushed it up his sleeve.

"I can see that," the older dwarf responded, an amused smile playing around his lips. "But be careful with those old volumes. Some of them are rather valuable and do not take well to being thrown around," he added and bent down to retrieve the book that had fallen to the floor. It had landed with its pages opened and Balin picked it up carefully, blowing some dirt off the yellowed pages.

He frowned when he looked at the opened page. "An Elvish grammar?" He glanced at Kíli in surprise. "I had no idea that you were a student of other languages."

Kíli laughed and ran a nervous hand trough his dark hair, clearly embarrassed. He had not worried about getting caught, but of course he should have remembered that Balin was very likely to visit the library at some point as well. "What can I say?" he replied, putting on an air of false confidence. "I'm full of surprises."

He winked at Balin and hastily started collecting the books on the desk before Balin could ask any more questions. "But I'm done for today. The place is all yours, let me just put those back where I got them from."

He started carrying the huge pile of books towards the shelf from which he had retrieved them, wobbling slightly under their weight. He paused when Balin called out to him.

"Was there anything in particular that you were looking for? I have at least some knowledge of the Elvish tongue and might be able to help you."

Kíli hesitated and turned back in Balin's direction. True, it would be the easiest way to simply ask him to help with a translation. It was not as if that thought had not occurred to Kíli already. But two things held him back. First of all, he had no idea what the words meant – if they meant anything at all. He had a feeling that whatever the meaning of those words was, it might rouse many more questions. Secondly, Balin was Thorin's confidant. And Kíli did not want to risk word of his sudden interest in the Elvish language get around to Thorin. Not after his uncle had already expressed worry about Kíli's friendliness with the Elven kind.

So he declined. "Nah, thanks. I was just looking at stuff randomly, because I got bored. Nothing else."

Balin nodded slowly, but Kíli could not help but notice a slight trace of suspicion in his eyes. Had Thorin already spoken to Balin about their conversation? He hoped not.

Eager to get away, Kíli returned the books to their shelf, not really bothering to arrange them in a particular order. With a quick wave at Balin and a mumbled goodbye, he fled the library.

This had not been a helpful trip at all. On the contrary, it might even cause him more trouble at some point in the future.

* * *

Kíli sat at the long table in the dining hall, staring down at his plate in desolation. After his fruitless visit to the library, how was he supposed to solve the mystery of his dreams? He knew that he should probably just let it go, but he could not. It ate him up from inside, not knowing, always wondering.

If only there was a way for him to figure out how the runestone had come back to him. His brain hurt from trying so hard to make sense of this and still he could not come up with a probable explanation for this circumstance. But then he was well aware that there were many things in the world that he did not know and could not comprehend. If only there was someone who could help him, who could point him in the right direction...

He poked at his food listlessly, waiting for the other dwarves to settle down so that they could all start with their dinner. Across from him, Bofur picked up some peas off his own plate and started flicking them at Kíli's lowered head.

Kíli glared at Bofur and retrieved a pea from his lap. "What do you think you're doing, mate?"

Bofur just shrugged. "Figured that any reaction from you would be better than watching you sit there and mope. What's the matter?"

Kíli managed a half-grin and threw the pea back at Bofur who caught it with his mouth and grinned. "Nothing, really," Kíli responded to Bofur's question. He glanced around the table, trying to find another topic for conversation aside from his state of mind. He was tired of people constantly asking him whether he was alright. He frowned when he noticed that his uncle's chair was still empty and that everybody was waiting impatiently to start eating. "Where's Thorin?"

Bofur twirled his beard around his forefinger. "Out in the hall, with Balin. I saw them together on my way in, discussing something, apparently."

Kíli's frown deepened. That did not sound good. Or was he just getting paranoid? Maybe this did not have anything to do with him at all.

Bofur glanced around and then leaned in, speaking in a slightly lowered voice. Not that the dwarves left and right to them were listening anyway, they were much too busy complaining about the delay. "Thorin was very interested in our time alone in Laketown, by the way. Asked me lots of questions."

Kíli's eyebrows shot up. "Did he?"

Bofur nodded, confirming with his eyes what Kíli was wondering in his head. Those questions had centered around him. And Tauriel.

Kíli hesitated. "Umm… and what did you tell him?"

Bofur did not look very happy. "Nothing much. Just that I don't feel it's right to leave the people there to sort everything out for themselves after Smaug tore the city to pieces. It's not honorable, it's not fair. But Thorin did not seem to share my opinion."

Kíli felt relieved and worried at the same time. Relieved that apparently in Bofur he had found someone who did not care what had or hadn't happened between him and Tauriel. Worried that it seemed as if he was not the only one who felt ill at ease with some of Thorin's decisions.

He looked at the other dwarves grouped around the table. They all seemed cheerful enough. Happy to be at Erebor. Grateful and loyal to their king. But somewhere at the back of his mind Kíli sensed that soon a rift might be forming amongst their group. This thought filled him with fear.

So, to appease Bofur, he said, "I'm sure Thorin will warm up to the idea of supporting the people in Laketown soon. Once everything has settled down a little. He would never just turn a blind eye to their suffering. He knows better than most of us what it feels like to lose your home." Why did this not sound convincing even to himself?

Bofur was about to reply something when the door opened and Thorin walked in, quickly taking his seat at the head of the long table. Balin followed shortly after.

A sigh of relief ran through the group and they – finally! – were able to begin with their meal.

Kíli forced bite after bite into his mouth, chewing slowly, trying to bring himself to enjoy the flavors. He failed miserably. It felt as if a knot had formed in his stomach that would simply not allow any food to pass though. As he reached for his jug of ale to wash down the little bit that he had eaten, he looked up and saw Thorin looking at him intently. He did not look happy.

Quickly, Kíli dropped his gaze back to his plate and frowned, his insides twisting themselves up further with the jolt of unease that ran through him at seeing his uncle look at him like that. Well, that was it then, he was done eating. He pushed his food away in dismay.

"Are you going to finish this?" Bombur asked next to him.

Kíli shook his head. "Nah, go ahead." Bombur's eyes lit up as he reached for the younger dwarf's plate. Kíli could feel more than one pair of eyes resting on him as he pushed his plate towards the large dwarf.

It took all his resolution to remain where he was and not get up and flee the room. That would only serve to attract even more attention. He rubbed a hand over his mouth. If all this tension would not be resolved anytime soon, he would go insane. And he would starve.

When everybody was done eating and started getting up to clear away the dishes, Kíli rose from his chair slowly, hoping to be able to sneak away quietly and find somewhere peaceful where no one would come looking for him. But Thorin's voice stopped him in the middle of the movement. "Kíli. Stay for a moment longer, would you? I want to talk to you."

Without looking at his uncle, Kíli fell back onto his chair in defeat. He waited for the others to leave the room, feeling their surprised looks and hearing them whisper amongst themselves.

Fíli was the last one to leave and closed the door behind him with a final worried glance at his younger brother.

Kíli kept his gaze focused on the surface of the table while Thorin left his seat and crossed the room to sit down in the spot across from his nephew.

When Kíli continued to stare at the tabletop, Thorin spoke. "Kíli. Look at me please."

The hint of gentleness in his voice made Kíli look up to meet his uncle's eyes. "I know what this is about," he said before Thorin could say anything else.

The dwarf king leaned back in his chair. "Then you know more than I do," he replied, looking at Kíli for a long, silent moment before continuing. "Your conduct of late confuses and alarms me, but no matter how hard I try to put the pieces together and make sense of it all, I only end up with more questions than before."

Kíli remained silent and dropped his gaze once more.

Thorin sighed. "I wish you would tell me what it is that is troubling you and that is making you act so out of character. You and your brother are like sons to me. I worry about you."

The young dwarf prince looked back up at his uncle. "Is it truly _me_ that you are worried about or rather my loyalty?"

Thorin's face hardened. "Is there a reason to doubt your loyalty?"

The two raven haired dwarves stared at each other for a long moment, the air heavy with the tension between them. Kíli's palms grew sweaty and he could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

Suddenly the door burst open and Gandalf rushed in, Fíli following closely behind.

Uncle and nephew whipped their heads around in surprise, staring at the grey wizard who exuded an air of extreme urgency. Thorin rose from his chair and opened his mouth to greet Gandalf, but was interrupted by him before he could utter a single word.

"I do not bring good news," he said gravely. "We are all in great danger."

* * *

Blood. There was so much blood seeping into the ground at the foot of the Lonely Mountain. Orc blood, dwarf blood. Blood of men, blood of elves. All mingling together, staining the earth black and red.

Kíli tried not to let the images enter his head, tried not to consciously reflect on all this violence. Instead he kept going and going and going, cutting down orc after orc with his blade, defending his home, defending his family, defending his king.

Despite what had passed between him and Thorin, they were now fighting side by side together with Fíli, protecting each other. Everything that had been said had lost its significance for the time being and all that remained was their fierce love for one another and their kingdom. None would dare question the loyalty of the other at this very moment.

Kíli leaped over the body of a fallen elf in pursuit of another orc, forcing himself not to stop and check if it was _her_. Ever since Gandalf had informed them of the army that was marching towards Erebor and had promised that help from Mirkwood was on its way, one question had permanently been present at the back of mind: Was Tauriel coming, too?

He forbade himself to linger on that question, knowing that this was neither the right time nor the right place for romance. He needed his mind to be focused, his senses to be alert. But he could not control his heart that missed a beat every time he saw an elf fall at the hands of an orc, praying that it was not Tauriel, praying that he would not see her lifeless eyes stare back at him if he dared to look.

Suddenly Kíli found himself with his back to a large boulder, fending off a large number of orcs, his brother and uncle fighting beside him. They were cornered, the number of enemies advancing on them much larger than what the three of them could handle.

"Kíli, get up there," Thorin shouted. Kíli glanced at the boulder and immediately understood what his uncle wanted him to do. He hefted himself up onto the massive stone, ignoring the pain that the action caused to explode in his right leg.

From this vantage ground he could take an excellent aim at the orcs attacking Fíli and Thorin below and, without delay, began to take them out one by one with his bow, clearing the ground for his kinsmen to go forth. As they slowly moved away from the boulder, Kíli made to follow them, but was distracted for the briefest of seconds by a flicker of red at the edge of his vision. He whipped his head around, scanning the chaos below for any signs of Tauriel, but saw nothing. Only death and destruction.

His brother's cry made him turn back around. "Thorin!"

Time seemed to slow down as he watched his uncle fall to his knees from a blow delivered by a particularly dangerous-looking, gigantic orc. Kíli recognized him immediately. It was the one who had been leading the pack of orcs that had been following them. The one that shot him with a poisoned arrow.

Upon seeing Thorin fall, Fíli leaped in front of his uncle, using all his strength to fend off the foul creature that towered over him. Kíli slid of the boulder, almost falling to his knees as he came into contact with the ground. His leg would not hold out much longer and he felt barely able to walk. It was only adrenaline that kept him going as he sprinted to his brother's aid. But he was not fast enough.

"Fíli!" His eyes wide with panic he could only watch as the orc swung his weapon and delivered a nasty blow to his brother's face, causing Fíli to collapse on top of Thorin's lifeless body. His face was covered in blood. Desperation lent a final surge of strength to Kíli's battered body and he threw himself in front of his brother and uncle, attacking the orc with everything that he had. But it was not enough, he did not stand a chance against the much larger creature in his weakened state.

He caught a heavy blow to his chest and thought he could hear something inside of him crack. His sword was knocked from his hand and landed a couple of feet away, out of his reach. He fell onto his back right next to Fíli and Thorin, scrambling to shield them both with his body. He watched helplessly as the giant orc raised his weapon and waited for the final blow to be delivered.

So this was it. The end had come. If only he had had the chance to see her once more, to watch her eyes shine as they reflected the light of the stars.

Suddenly the throat of the vile creature in front of him was pierced by an arrow. A look of shock registered on the orc's face for a split second before he fell to his knees, clutching his neck. He slumped forward as he drew his last breath, crashing to the ground, burying Kíli and the two dwarves he was trying to protect beneath his massive body. Kíli raised up his arms to shield himself. Then everything went black.

Several feet away, out of Kíli's line of sight, Legolas lowered his bow, furrowing his brow in confusion as if trying to understand what on earth had suddenly made him save the dark-haired young dwarf that had brought him so much trouble, caused him so much pain.


End file.
